Category / Deep thoughts and blonde moments

by Bethe

Don’t waste your pretty: A Valentine’s Pep Talk

***This blog post first ran on February 14, 2012, and was originally given as a Sunday School lesson/pep talk in 2010 to a group of single women in their 20s-30s back before I ever dated Mr. Right. I hope you enjoy!

I was single for 30 years, and the I will admit that I used to hate Valentine’s Day, because it was just highlighting the fact that I was still single. Probably the only one – or so it seemed. So a few years ago I gave this pep talk to my Sunday School class to encourage my fellow single friends that we could survive our single years, and not only survive… but do it fabulously. Here’s what I told them:

How to survive your single years:

1. Your fabulousness isn’t determined by your relationship status.
Sometimes that’s hard to remember when you see all your friends post pics of their beautiful husbands/boyfriends/babies, and you’re home hanging out with your Schnoodle. But whether or not you have a Valentine does not determine your value.

2. No pity dates. Learn to say no.
It seems like yesterday. I was 24. I had a boyfriend. And yet some sweet clueless boy in my singles group at church cornered me and asked me on a date. To a Joel Olsteen rally. (I couldn’t make this up.) I was so caught off-guard, and so worried about hurting this poor boy’s feelings that I panicked and blurted out “I’ll email you.” My boyfriend was obviously mad when I told him, and it just delayed the inevitable rejection. From that point on I decided that I would learn to be good at saying no. And I did. It’s a great life skill to have. I found that boys really do want a direct answer – and for you, it’s like ripping off a band-aid… you can just get it over with.

No pity dates girls. Even if he tells you that God told him you’re the Ruth to his Boaz. If God didn’t tell you, it’s okay to say NO.

3. Never, never, NEVER settle. Don’t waste your pretty.
We all know that the bible says not to be unequally yoked. Meaning, if you’re a believer, then you need to only date believers. No missionary “I can change him!” dating. Don’t even dip your toe in the water, or you may fall in.

But it’s not just because God wants to take away your fun and eliminate what seems like 95% of the hot guy dating pool. God has a better plan for you – check out Ephesians 5:25-33 and know that having a husband who “washes you with the Word” is such a total treat. Wait for a man who will pray for you. Who will lead you and your children well. Who will love you in the same sacrificial, intentional way that Christ loves his church. It’s worth the wait, even if it seems like you have to wait forever. I promise.

4. Being single doesn’t mean there’ something wrong with you. God’s plans are bigger than that.
Well-meaning people used to infer that people were single because God had some work he needed to do in their hearts. Like somehow the entire singles department was made up of weirdos, and the entire young marrieds department had everything together.

Ummm… have you seen some of the crazy people who are married out there?  God’s still going to still refine you after marriage. Probably more. But there may be other reasons why you’re still single.

You may be single because God wants to use you to encourage another single girl. I think God kept me single for what seemed like FOREVER because he wanted some older girls to encourage those sweet 22-year-old girls who thought life would end if they weren’t engaged when they got that college degree. My 29-year-old self showed them that life isn’t over if you aren’t living the white picket fence American dream. God is a whole lot more creative than the American dream.

Or, your Mr. Right may not be ready for you yet. God did a major work in my Mr. Right’s life, and we just wouldn’t have been a good fit a few years ago. Plus he lived in Colorado, and I would have hated long-distance dating. But when the time was right… he practically dropped in my lap. He moved suddenly from Oklahoma to Fort Worth and then drove FORTY-FIVE MINUTES to my church – I have assured him that I prayed him all the way here. So keep praying for your future man… he may have a long commute to get here.

5. Use this time to its fullest. Find an adventure.
For me, I decided I would use my time to travel. And I did – three trips to Europe, plus I traveled all over the US and to Mexico… basically anytime a friend or family member was up for a trip, I was the first to volunteer. And because of that, I watched sunsets on the beach in Greece and saw my Rangers beat the Yankees in New York. I also ran a half marathon, learned to quilt, got a master’s degree, took salsa lessons… no need to sit at home on Friday nights wondering where your man is. Go find an adventure.

6. Serve. Serve. Serve.
“Let us not become weary of doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9)

While you’re waiting for Mr. Right, keep yourself busy by serving others. You’ll end up having a blast, and when you’re focusing on others you have less time to sit and worry about when your prince charming will make his grand entrance.

7. Don’t be bitter. Don’t make all guys pay for the sins (or extreme stupidity) of just one.
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger… be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Eph. 4:31-32)
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you. I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 36:26)
There’s nothing uglier than bitterness. The cutest girls are the ones with sweet spirits.

8. When you DO date… don’t peace out on your church and your ministry.
We’ve all seen someone do the break-up walk of shame back to church… they fell in love and disappeared from the face of the planet. And then somebody changed their mind, and whoops, she’s back. Don’t be that girl. But if you see that girl… go love on her, because she probably could use a friend.

9. NEVER compromise your morals. Remember your lines and don’t cross them.
Know your limits in advance… because in the heat of the moment, when that cute guy looks at you with those big brown eyes… you’re probably not going to make good decisions. So already have your mind made up – it’s worth it.

10. Remember that God’s timing is PERFECT. He has a plan for you. He keeps his promises, and he has not forgotten about you.
“The Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him.” (Isaiah 30:18)

“Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.” Hebrews 10:35-36

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust you.” Isaiah 26:3

So my fabulous friends… any other advice that I missed? How have you chosen to thrive?

 

by Bethe

Happy birthday to my blog… and to me.

Today is my birthday. Not only that, but it’s also the fifth birthday for my little blog.

Here’s the first post, written on my 27th birthday. Well, technically, there’s the first post, but a few months ago I moved everything over to this fancy new home.

Well, that’s not exactly right either. Technically I’ve been blogging more than five years. Because really, I started over here in July 2005. Do you realize that was seven-and-a-half years ago? My goodness, a lot has changed in that time, but funny enough, much of the time I still feel like that 24-year-old wide-eyed girl. I’m so thankful for (and highly amused at) the chance to go back and relive what life was like from 24-32. It has been a wild ride for sure.

But back to today’s birthday. Today I turn 32 (although if anybody asks, I’ll say I’m 29), and since it’s also Thanksgiving, I thought I’d look back at what I was thankful for in year 31:

-I am thankful for my TWO new nephews. Those little boys have totally changed my life. I’m head over heels in love with both of them. Both are total miracle babies, and both increased my faith in different ways.

-I am thankful for the chance to open my little Etsy shop. I have learned SO much about opening a business, about bookkeeping, about shipping. It has been a total blast, but also a ton of work. (PS – I just signed up for my first pop-up Flea Market event for next weekend – stay tuned for more details)

-I am thankful for Mr. Right’s new job. It was a huge leap of faith to leave his current job at the church and venture out to try something new. And while we launch his new business, we’re dreaming about the next step in our ministry. The two are not mutually exclusive.

-I am thankful for the chance to visit BOTH coasts this year… two trips to the West Coast and one to the East Coast. The gypsy in me enjoyed visiting all new places this year.

-I am thankful for both of our families, and for their continued health. We had a few scares this year, but I am thankful that God blessed me with TWO amazing families who love Jesus.

-I am thankful for my own health. After battling a health issue for almost 18 months, I am happy to say that I am fully healed and so very thankful to finally feel good again.

-I am thankful for sweet friends, both old and new.

-I am thankful for my ESL ministry. It’s such a privilege to do something that you really love and work with people who feel like family.

-I am thankful for Mr. Right, for the way he has supported me, taken care of me, and been my best friend. He pushes me to take risks, and cheers me on when I feel unsure of myself.

So Happy Thanksgiving… and 32… here goes nothing!

by Bethe

What’s the point?

Sometimes you don’t know you have a problem until all of the emotions you didn’t know you had come spilling out. That’s what happened to me yesterday. An attempt to take the PERFECT PICTURE of my latest quilt for the blog turned into a big heart-to-heart with Mr. Right.

After trying to explain to him that I had to have the PERFECT PICTURE in the PERFECT outdoor setting because that’s what quilt bloggers do. And if I was ever going to get pinned on pinterest, if I was ever going to gain new followers, if I was ever going to be like THOSE BLOGGERS I read daily who have thousands of followers, if my little shop was ever going to REALLY take off, then I had to have the PERFECT PICTURE.

And that’s when Mr. Right looked at me with those giant brown puppy dog eyes of his, and said, “I think your priorities are a little out of whack.”

This isn’t a popularity contest.

My worth doesn’t come from the number of people who read my blog, or the number of people who buy something in my shop. My worth comes from one place and one place only – Christ.

I have been chosen by God: You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last.  Then the father will give you whatever you ask in my name. (John 15:16)

My goal is to become more like Jesus: And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. (2 Corinthians 3:18)

My job is to show people Jesus’ love on his behalf: As God’s fellow workers, we urge you not to receive God’s grace in vain. (2 Corinthians 6:1)

I am fearfully and wonderfully made: For you created my inmost being;  you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:13-14)

My delight should not come from popularity: Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4)

I should not waste my time worrying about the approval of the blogosphere: Commit to the LORD whatever you do,  and he will establish your plans. (Proverbs 16:3)

Here is what I know is true:

My worth comes from Christ, and not from the number of sales I make in my shop.

My value comes from Christ, and not the number of people who read my blog.

It is not healthy to seek popularity.

I opened my shop because I love it. This is not my career, this is not my primary source of income. I chose to do this because it was a welcome challenge to this girl who never takes risks.

I blog because I love it. Because I am a writer by nature, with an inherent need to put words on paper and come up with new and creative ways of expressing myself. I write because it stretches my muscles, it challenges me, it’s something I have to do. I blog because I want to encourage other women, to show them that I don’t have it all together, to show them that behind the pretty wreath on my door is a messy house with two imperfect people inside. I blog because it’s so comforting to find out that you’re not the only one who doesn’t have it all together.

The main goal is for you to see how much I love Jesus.

So to my dear friends who read this, thank you. Thanks for supporting me as I continue to blaze a trail that is sometimes filled with potholes and rocks and other times is smooth and wide. I hope to never encourage comparison, or feelings of not being good enough, but instead provide reassurance that every girl has that messy drawer that she doesn’t want anybody to know about. Or for me, a laundry room piled to the ceiling with clothes that need to be folded, and a closet that is most certainly a fire hazard, and a bed that is only made 15 percent of the time (oh mom, please don’t ground me) and a closet full of clothes that fit a little too snugly.

My worth comes from Jesus, from the One who saved me even though I was still a sinner. Who loves me when I feel unpopular, or unsure of the future, or filled with insecurities.

by Bethe

Tuesday Truth: Set Free

I’ve been slowly reading my way through Psalms this year, and this one jumped off the page at me. So many people think that living your life for Jesus is so restricting. You can’t do this, you can’t do that, you can’t think about this. That thing is wrong.

To those people, I want to put my hands on both of their shoulders, look them straight in the eye, and tell them that loving Jesus means to be set free. It means gaining hope. It means thriving in a way that only your creator could orchestrate. It means gaining comfort from a loving Father who knows intimately the sorrows we face.

When I am running in the path of Jesus’ commands, THAT is when I am most alive.

by Bethe

I remember

11 years ago I was a junior at Baylor. I had a habit of going to sleep with my television on, and I had the craziest dream that I was in a sky scraper in New York, and my building had been hit by an airplane. Everything was on fire and I was trying to get out.

And then I woke up and I saw that the news was on, and an airplane had hit a sky scraper in New York. My dream had been real, probably caused by my subconscious listening to the news reports.

And then I watched as the second plane hit the second building. And my world was never the same.

It’s so strange that at that moment I didn’t know how important that day would be. My roommate slept soundly in the other room, and I didn’t know if I should wake her up. And so I didn’t, and just sat in my room, glued to the TV, with fear building from that deep place within.

Baylor didn’t cancel classes, so I went to my 11:00 a.m. advanced editing class (boy how I miss college and those days when I just had one class from 11:30-1:00 and no job). My stunned professor didn’t really know what to say, so she let us go early. Since I was a journalism major, I volunteered to go work in the newsroom, and spent my afternoon watching every newscast on every network, listening to every conspiracy theory and needless warning… becoming more and more afraid as every hour passed.

On my way home that night I stood in line for gas for an hour, and then stood in a very long line to pull money out of the ATM, for fear that our banking system would collapse and I wouldn’t have a way to buy food. Stupid college student with no food in my pantry and no cash in my pocket. This was what the news told me to do, and so I did it, along with every other American that night.

That night, or maybe it was the night after that, President Bush addressed the nation, and I remember crying and trembling on my couch, scared for my future, for my safety and for the nightmare that had become true overnight. It was my first moment as a grown up where I didn’t have my parents there to protect me, to make sure I didn’t die of anthrax poisoning or another bomb. I was 90 miles from my safety net, and I just desperately wanted to get back home where my parents could make the tough decisions, but that wasn’t an option.

Being a grown up really stunk at that moment.

11 years later, with the gift of hindsight, most of that fear my 20-year-old self felt was unfounded. I was safe. But I didn’t have any way of knowing that. And a part of me will always be affected by the horror of that day – I get nervous for large public events that could become a target. I pray for our president when he’s vulnerable in front of crowds. I have had friends fight the enemy that stole our innocence on that Tuesday morning in September.

I will always remember. But I will never let it stop me.

by Bethe

Fashion – the battle between tailored and stretchy pants

I will not wear mom jeans! I will not wear mom jeans! I WILL NOT WEAR MOM JEANS!

This is my daily mantra as I pick out my clothes. I will not give up the fight and settle for a life of mom jeans and stretchy pants.

Although, between you and me, some days it’s really tempting.

Because you see, friends, I’m tired. I work at a big hospital that requires a LOT of walking on hard tile floors, lot’s of moving boxes, taking things on a dollie out to my car, delivering collateral to departments on the other side of the hospital, hoisting things to a top shelf, and doing that in heels just stinks.

Which is why God invented flats. But flats are like my gateway drug to other comfort clothes – suddenly I find myself living in flowy shirts and cardigans, paired with the same two pairs of black slacks I seem to wear every day. Not very exciting, and probably the reason why I get asked over and over if I’m pregnant. It’s my own fault.

Don’t get me wrong – I can still do sassy. And when I have a big community event, I try to go all out. But whereas eight years ago when I first started this job I might have worn my stilettos all day, now I carry an extra pair of flats in my purse and the minute the event ends, the comfy shoes go back on, the belt and big bracelets come off, and I try to get comfortable again.

And so I battle the urge to let the comfort turn to frumpiness. I fight back by wearing heels on dates with my husband, by getting out of my comfort zone and buying (gasp) skinny jeans, by wearing sundresses whenever possible at home and avoiding t-shirts unless I’m heading to the gym. I have no desire to be known as fashion-forward, but I don’t want to give up. I want to be one of those 80-year-old women who dresses “young” for her age, which means I can’t give up now.

What about you? How do you balance the desire for comfort (and let’s face it – being just plain tired) with the desire to still look cute?

PS–I just discovered this fashion blog on Pinterest yesterday, and it’s already one of my new favorites! You should check it out.

by Bethe

I have a confession…

My fellow blog friends, I have a confession…

Remember these beautiful and tasty cupcakes that Mr. Right and I made Sunday night?

You know the ones… with the homemade chocolate-banana icing… that happen to taste better served cold from the refrigerator? Ahh yes, now you remember.

Well last night I may have hit a new low. Mr. Right was working late up at the church, and after taking care of about a dozen chores, working on my nephew’s quilt and doing three loads of laundry, I decided to end the night with a bubble bath and a magazine. Possibly one of the most delightful ways to end an evening.

To make it even better, I had one last chocolate-banana cupcake left in the fridge, and I decided to eat it as I ran my bath.

But then true tragedy struck. As I was walking back to my kitchen to grab a glass of water, eating my beloved cupcake and waiting for my water to fill the tub, I dropped my cupcake. Icing-side-down.

And what did I do? I picked it up, and before I could even see if it had collected any dust or unmentionables from my kitchen floor (which, in my defense, was mopped less than a week ago), I stuck it in my mouth. Kitchen floor germs and all.

After I ate it I felt a little guilty. But you know what? I’d do it all over again. The cupcake was worth it.

by Bethe

Don’t waste your pretty… and other encouragement for single women

I was single for 30 years, and the I will admit that I used to hate Valentine’s Day, because it was just highlighting the fact that I was still single. Probably the only one – or so it seemed. So a few years ago I gave this pep talk to my Sunday School class to encourage my fellow single friends that we could survive our single years, and not only survive… but do it fabulously. Here’s what I told them:

How to survive your single years:

1. Your fabulousness isn’t determined by your relationship status.
Sometimes that’s hard to remember when you see all your friends post pics of their beautiful husbands/boyfriends/babies, and you’re home hanging out with your Schnoodle. But whether or not you have a Valentine does not determine your value.

2. No pity dates. Learn to say no.
It seems like yesterday. I was 24. I had a boyfriend. And yet some sweet clueless boy in my singles group at church cornered me and asked me on a date. To a Joel Olsteen rally. (I couldn’t make this up.) I was so caught off-guard, and so worried about hurting this poor boy’s feelings that I panicked and blurted out “I’ll email you.” My boyfriend was obviously mad when I told him, and it just delayed the inevitable rejection. From that point on I decided that I would learn to be good at saying no. And I did. It’s a great life skill to have. I found that boys really do want a direct answer – and for you, it’s like ripping off a band-aid… you can just get it over with.

No pity dates girls. Even if he tells you that God told him you’re the Ruth to his Boaz. If God didn’t tell you, it’s okay to say NO.

3. Never, never, NEVER settle. Don’t waste your pretty.
We all know that the bible says not to be unequally yoked. Meaning, if you’re a believer, then you need to only date believers. No missionary “I can change him!” dating. Don’t even dip your toe in the water, or you may fall in.

But it’s not just because God wants to take away your fun and eliminate what seems like 95% of the hot guy dating pool. God has a better plan for you – check out Ephesians 5:25-33 and know that having a husband who “washes you with the Word” is such a total treat. Wait for a man who will pray for you. Who will lead you and your children well. Who will love you in the same sacrificial, intentional way that Christ loves his church. It’s worth the wait, even if it seems like you have to wait forever. I promise.

4. Being single doesn’t mean there’ something wrong with you. God’s plans are bigger than that. 
Well-meaning people used to infer that people were single because God had some work he needed to do in their hearts. Like somehow the entire singles department was made up of weirdos, and the entire young marrieds department had everything together.

Ummm… have you seen some of the crazy people who are married out there?  God’s still going to still refine you after marriage. Probably more. But there may be other reasons why you’re still single.

You may be single because God wants to use you to encourage another single girl. I think God kept me single for what seemed like FOREVER because he wanted some older girls to encourage those sweet 22-year-old girls who thought life would end if they weren’t engaged when they got that college degree. My 29-year-old self showed them that life isn’t over if you aren’t living the white picket fence American dream. God is a whole lot more creative than the American dream.

Or, your Mr. Right may not be ready for you yet. God did a major work in my Mr. Right’s life, and we just wouldn’t have been a good fit a few years ago. Plus he lived in Colorado, and I would have hated long-distance dating. But when the time was right… he practically dropped in my lap. He moved suddenly from Oklahoma to Fort Worth and then drove FORTY-FIVE MINUTES to my church – I have assured him that I prayed him all the way here. So keep praying for your future man… he may have a long commute to get here.

5. Use this time to its fullest. Find an adventure.
For me, I decided I would use my time to travel. And I did – three trips to Europe, plus I traveled all over the US and to Mexico… basically anytime a friend or family member was up for a trip, I was the first to volunteer. And because of that, I watched sunsets on the beach in Greece and saw my Rangers beat the Yankees in New York. I also ran a half marathon, learned to quilt, got a master’s degree, took salsa lessons… no need to sit at home on Friday nights wondering where your man is. Go find an adventure.

6. Serve. Serve. Serve.
“Let us not become weary of doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9)

While you’re waiting for Mr. Right, keep yourself busy by serving others. You’ll end up having a blast, and when you’re focusing on others you have less time to sit and worry about when your prince charming will make his grand entrance.

7. Don’t be bitter. Don’t make all guys pay for the sins (or extreme stupidity) of just one.
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger… be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Eph. 4:31-32)


“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you. I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 36:26)


There’s nothing uglier than bitterness. The cutest girls are the ones with sweet spirits.

8. When you DO date… don’t peace out on your church and your ministry.
We’ve all seen someone do the break-up walk of shame back to church… they fell in love and disappeared from the face of the planet. And then somebody changed their mind, and whoops, she’s back. Don’t be that girl. But if you see that girl… go love on her, because she probably could use a friend.

9. NEVER compromise your morals. Remember your lines and don’t cross them.
Know your limits in advance… because in the heat of the moment, when that cute guy looks at you with those big brown eyes… you’re probably not going to make good decisions. So already have your mind made up – it’s worth it.

10. Remember that God’s timing is PERFECT. He has a plan for you. He keeps his promises, and he has not forgotten about you.
“The Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him.” (Isaiah 30:18)

“Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.” Hebrews 10:35-36

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust you.” Isaiah 26:3

So my fabulous friends… any other advice that I missed? How have you chosen to thrive?

by Bethe

All I want for Valentines Day is a bouquet of Claritin

I have a minor head cold. Nothing bad, just enough to turn my poor nose into a fire hydrant and my head has turned a bit cloudy. But it’s mostly just an inconvenience.

But when I have a cold, I do gain some embarrassing tendencies. Like searching through every drawer, digging through the bottom of my purse, hoping beyond hope that I can find one stray little white pill that will take away all my problems.

A lone Claritin.

I never seem to have one handy when I need it most. Last night, the same thing happened for my nighttime fix – my beloved pink pills. I searched through all of my drawers, and to no avail, I had to go to bed a sniffly, runny-nosed mess, left to toss and turn and cough all night instead of slipping into a peaceful benadryl coma.

But alas – I found an unopened box of off-brand benadryl in my bathroom cabinet this morning. And even better, I found one lone Claritin in the back of my bathroom drawer, only a few days from its expiration date (not that matters, I’d take a 10-year-old Claritin if it was my only option), just begging me to take it. My day is off to a stellar start.

Oh, and I may or may not be carrying a roll of toilet paper in my purse. Because I forgot to buy kleenex.

You know me. Keeping it classy.

by Bethe

Crushed under the weight of my own expectations

I was doing some heavy thinking on the treadmill yesterday… what else is a girl to do while she sweats out four very ugly miles as part of her half marathon training?

And what was I thinking, anyway, training for this half marathon? It has been an ugly few weeks… I have a dozen excuses of why I’m not very stallion-esque while I run, but none really matter… I’m still training through the ugliness. Even yesterday’s ugliness when I happened to forget my deodorant (gasp). I feel sorry for the person running next to me. (Let’s be honest… my nose has been stuffy for two months, so I was blissfully unaware of how much I really embarrassed myself.)

But back to the treadmill… I was mulling some deep thoughts as I sweated to Beyonce. I read a blog yesterday about ways to increase the amount of walking I do. Which is a great idea. You know the drill… park at the back of a parking lot, take the stairs, yadda, yadda, yadda…

And this is how my stream of consciousness progressed:

I should walk more. Heck, I’m trying to drop a few pounds, this sounds like an easy way to facilitate that.


But then I’d have to wear flats every day. And even my best work flats aren’t really made for a lot of walking. So I’d have to buy new shoes.


But I’m supposed to dress for the job I want… It’s proven science (at least, I saw it in a magazine once) that the most professionally intimidating women wear stilettos. And since I have a fairly public job, I need to be a put-together professional fashionista.


But if I walk long distances in heels, I’ll mess up my feet. I don’t need a bunion. Those surgeries hurt.

And then I thought about other contradicting expectations I put on myself:

I want to be a domestic goddess. I should be a fabulous cook. And baker. Good women know how to bake pies.


But I shouldn’t really eat those sorts of calorie-ridden foods. I need to be eating lean. Basic. The last thing I need to be eating is pie. 


But a domestic goddess doesn’t just make grilled chicken and steamed veggies for dessert. She needs to wrap that chicken in cream cheese and bread dough and bake it in the oven. And I should saute those veggies in some sort of wonderful Italian olive oil.


As a domestic goddess, I should have a clean house. I should put myself on a cleaning schedule, and have sparkling floor and dustless blinds. On all 20 of my 10-foot-tall windows.


But I work long hours. So if I spend much time cleaning, I won’t have time to work out.


Maybe I should work out before work. Oh wait, if I do that, I won’t get my quiet time in. I could try to do both, but then I would have to wear a pony tail to work. And then I won’t look fashionably intimidating. How can I juggle a quiet time, getting ready for work, cleaning my house, working out, and cooking healthy?

And suddenly I’m drowning beneath the weight of my own expectations.

The other night, as Mr. Right and I prayed together before bed…

Side note – a pastor at our church told us that the divorce rate for couples who pray daily together is 1%… and since divorce is not an option and we want to set ourselves up for success, we’ve adopted a nightly prayer time, just the two of us, before we go to bed… and I absolutely love it.

As I was saying… the other night, as Mr. Right and I prayed together before bed, he prayed the sweetest prayer over me. He prayed that the Lord would reveal what His expectations are for my life, and that He would save me from being crushed by my own self-expectations.

I never thought of it that way. I do tend to be my own worst enemy when it comes to holding myself to an impossible standard.

And I didn’t realize that Mr. Right had noticed.

What a sweet prayer for a girl who wants to be a Martha Stewart homemaker with a Jessica Biel body and a Condoleeza Rice brain. Marriage, in the midst of all the fun, surely is a sanctifying experience.