I’ve made it through six months of this whole nursing thing. That was my goal, and I did it. It may have been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done – I tell people it’s a lot like when I trained for my half marathon. Every single day you wake up and you have to do it, whether you want to or not. Whether you’re in the mood or not. Whether or not you have time. Even if it means sleeping less, missing something important. You just DO it every. single. day.
Part of me loves it. Like LOVES it. There’s something so wonderful about being able to feed your baby in a way that nobody else can. To bond with her, to hold her close, to have those moments in the still parts of the night when everyone else is sleeping and it’s just you and that beautiful, chubby-cheeked baby cuddled together.
Mr. Right and I have been talking about weaning lately. My goal had been six months, and then I said I’d reevaluate. My new goal is to make it nine, (basically until the end of cold/flu season) then throw in the towel, you know, before she gets any teeth. But there are moments when nursing (or pumping, really… this working mama does a LOT of pumping) is starting to infringe on my sanity. Most days I’m fine, and then there’s a day where it feels like I HAVE DONE NOTHING ALL DAY EXCEPT FOR PUMP/FEED/PUMP/FEED/STORE MILK/THINK ABOUT PUMPING/CLEANING PUMP PARTS/DOING MATH IN MY HEAD TO FIGURE OUT WHEN I HAVE TO PUMP NEXT and there is no time for things like showering, eating, getting to church on time, actually leaving the house at all. It’s hard.
I’d quit, but once I do, there’s no going back. I see the health benefits (like three weeks ago when she had RSV – I really believe her case was milder because I was nursing her). I see the bonding benefits. And there’s a small part of me that knows that this may be my only time to ever get to do this. We want to adopt other kiddos, so this may be my only chance to experience this part of motherhood.
Quitting is just, so… final.
And then there’s the allergy meds. I fantasize about the day I can take just ONE Advil Cold & Sinus. Or one of those amazing Claritin Ds that you can only buy behind the counter. They keep the good stuff behind the counter, the stuff I’m not allowed to have. And because of that I haven’t been able to breathe through my noses since I got pregnant. I kind of miss that.
I just can’t decide, and so while I wait, I nurse. I may end up being one of those mamas who nurses her kiddo until she goes off to college with a stuffy nose as red as Rudolph’s.
Fellow mamas, what about you? How did you know when it was time to throw in the towel and ween? And no judgement here, whether you went one day or one year. We’re all on the same team. Only loving and encouraging comments please.