This week was hard. Tuesday and Wednesday I worked all day, then had school from 6:00-8:40, then came home and did homework from 9-midnight. Thursday, I had to do a midnight press check for my magazine that I wrote. By Friday, I was so tired I could barely see straight.

So, so very tired.

But now I’m better. I spent my weekend sleeping and reading (okay, I also squeezed in some tennis and shopping). In a few weeks I get to meet one of my favorite authors (Anita Shreve) when she makes a local stop on her book tour, so I’m anxiously devouring a few more of her books before I meet her. I’ve already read this, this, and this, and this weekend I read most of this. Next, I’m going to tackle this. Her books are simply wonderful.

There’s no better feeling than to have a book that I can’t put down. Looking forward to crawling into my comfortable bed for a few uninterrupted hours of escape, not thinking about anything except the picture the author so beautifully paints in my head. Wanting to squeeze in just one more chapter. Maybe two. And next thing I know, hours have passed, and I have lived a life I had never known before, met people from another place or time. Oh, the joy of a good book.

It’s Saturday morning, the sun is shining, the birds are singing…

And I’m up at work, in an office with no windows, writing a research paper for school.

Blah.

I was here until 9:00 last night. On a Friday. When all my friends were out playing. This morning, after an abbreviated run, I was back up here by 9:30, and I’ll probably be here all day. Probably tomorrow too.

Blah.

Back to work…

I took this survey during the commercials for The Office (because who wants to watch commercials???):

What were you doing at ten last night?
Sitting at my kitchen table doing research for a paper… so exciting. But before that, I did Sister Pedicure Night and then we went to church, so overall it was a pretty nice night!

Are you good at giving directions?
I am directionally challenged. It’s a real disability, I should be eligible for a scholarship.

Last time you cried really hard?
Last Christmas I watched PS, I Love You, and I cried some big, ugly tears. That movie is worse than The Notebook.

What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?
Peanut butter cookies?

When did you get in your last argument?
I’m not confrontational. Sometimes I want to yell at someone, but I hold it back and just smile sweetly. Or stew.

Do you prefer hot or cold weather?
I love cold nights when I can curl up with my electric blanket and flannel sheets. I also have a “thing” for cute coats and fires in my fire place.

Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
My hair’s wet because I just got it cut, but that wouldn’t stop me. One of my favorite things to do is roll out of bed on a Saturday and run my errands early… which means no make-up, and sometimes I wear my pj’s. I may enjoy being girly, but I’m not very high-maintenance.

If you could go any place in the world where would you go?
Let’s see, Greece and Spain were at the top of my list, and I’ll be there next summer!

Have you ever made someone so mad that they broke something?
Again, not confrontational.

What is your favorite color?
Pink. I love anything that’s girly. I’m wearing pink right now, actually.

If you could go back in time, how far back would you go?
That’s an interesting question. There were times in my life that were a ton of fun, but not sure I want to go back to any particular time.

When is your bedtime?
Usually around 10:30 or 11, but lately I’ve been staying up later to do homework. Gosh, I’m sensing a theme. How boring! I’m not always such a dork, this is only temporary. My fun, adventurous self will reemerge as soon as I turn in my paper and prep for the class I have to teach as part of my graduate assistantship.

Are you quiet?
Only when I’m very, very tired.

Have you ever collapsed on the bathroom floor?
Two Christmases ago I got the stomach flu. The bathroom floor and I became good friends.

Do you like your music loud ?
Yes, especially when I run. And lately I’ve been rocking out to Ozzie and Metallica, Miley and Hanson… anything to distract me from the pain of running.

Would you rather stay home all day, or be out and about?
I love my house, but if I stayed home all day, I’d go nuts. I have to leave for at least a little while to accomplish something.

Last thing you purchased?
I paid way too much to get my hair done tonight, but some things are non-negotiable. I also bought some shoes today during my lunch break.

What’s your worst habit?
Sometimes I eat snacks late at night. Oprah says you shouldn’t eat after 7:00 p.m., but that’s just not realistic. Sometimes a girl needs freshly baked cookies or ice cream at 10:00 p.m., and that’s okay.

Plans for the upcoming weekend?
Besides massive amounts of homework? Saturday I’m going for a long run (10-12 miles), and I have a girls’ night out planned. Sunday I’ll have church, and hopefully I can squeeze in time for some flag football.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
I’ll be 32. Other than that, it’s anybody’s guess.

Where are you at noon every day?
That’s one of the best things about my job… no two days are alike. Quite often I have luncheons and board meetings… other times I run to Chick-fil-a or Subway to grab a quick lunch and then head back to work.

How many speeding tickets have you gotten in the last 5 years?
Just one.

Do you keep your closet organized?
It depends on your definition of organized.

What movie are you waiting to see in theaters?
There’s no movies I’m anxiously anticipating. However, I can’t wait to see the presidential debate tomorrow on TV! I guess that makes me a huge nerd.

What is your favorite drink?
Diet Coke & strawberry milkshakes. Hmmm… I wonder if Sonic is still open?

I’m teaching a Sunday School series on a fantastic book called Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer. It’s absolutely wonderful–go buy it today, it will change your life.

God has spoken to me in many different ways over the years, but this week he spoke very loudly. Lately it seems like a lot of my prayers aren’t being answered the way I want them to. In fact, I feel like I get a bunch of big fat “no’s” and I really hate that. So God and I have been duking it out, and I have stubbornly continued to pray the same prayers over and over, just in case maybe he’ll change his mind. It’s one of those, “God, pretty please, with sugar on top, can we do things my way?” prayers.

And then this week he hit me in the head with a 2-by-4. Sometimes I need that. Through two different situations I heard him tell me, “I know you really want Plan A, but don’t you trust that I have a better plan for you? Won’t you give me a chance to show you what it is?”

And then I opened my Bible and read this… it’s God speaking to Samuel after the Israelites demanded that they wanted to be like all of the other countries and have a “real” king, and not a judge. God tries to dissuade them, but they won’t listen, and demand a king.

But when they said, “Give us a king to lead us,” this displeased Samuel; so
he prayed to the Lord. And the Lord told him: “Listen to all that the people are
saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as
their king. As they have done from the day I brought them up out of Egypt until
this day, forsaking me and serving other gods, so they are doing to you. Now
listen to them; but warn them solemnly and let them know what the king who will
reign over them will do.”

And then Samuel tells all those Israelite folks that a king will require their sons to be soldiers, put their daughters to work, make them pay taxes, take their best flocks and make them slaves… but the Israelites don’t care, because they want what THEY want… a king.

But the people refused to listen to Samuel. “No!” they said. “We want a
king over us. Then we will be like all the other nations, with a king to lead us
and to go out before us and fight our battles.” When Samuel heard all that the
people said, he repeated it before the Lord. The Lord answered, “Listen to them
and give them a king.” (1 Samuel 8:6-9, 19-22)

God told the Israelites “no,” but they wouldn’t accept it. So finally, they got what they wanted… even though it wasn’t God’s optimal plan for them. In fact, Saul was a disaster.

The Lord has told me ‘no’ many times, and usually I whine and belly-ache and throw pity parties. Then, when he blesses me with something better than what I had hoped for, I feel guilty for being such a whiney thing in the process.

During my first job after college, I begged God to bring me a new, better job, working for a bigger company (and more money… because I could barely afford my rent!). I interviewed for a great job, but he said ‘no.’ And three months later, I was offered the job I have now, which I absolutely love. His way was better.

When I was at my old rent house, one of my roommates decided to move out. I begged God to bring me a roommate so I wouldn’t have to move. Moving seemed like the absolute WORST case scenario. But God didn’t bring me a roommate. Because I was forced to move, it sparked the idea of buying a house, and seven months later (after living with mom and dad and saving all of my money) I had built myself a brand-new house! His way was better.

Or, a few years ago, I prayed that God would help me find a new church, because I really didn’t want to stay at my old one. And God said, “No, you’re not leaving… in fact, I have a new ministry for you!” That was almost three years ago, right before I started teaching my Sunday School class, which I love. His way is always better.

I love that God calls us to be persistent, but sometimes, his way is just better. The answer is sometimes “no.” It’s nice to be reminded of that sometimes. I know that his “no” is probably the best thing that could happen to me. And I need to listen.

“My thoughts are completely different from yours,” says the Lord. “And my
ways are far beyond anything you can imagine.”(Isaiah 55:8)

For awhile there I was updating my blog daily. That screeched to a halt this week when I encountered major computer problems. I thought I was going to be forced to buy a new computer (aak!), but one of my IT coworkers came to the rescue and gave me some scotch-tape options to keep my old computer humming for a little while longer. I know I’ll need to buy a computer in the next year or so, but I’d prefer to save up for something cool, like one of those iMacs.

It’s such a helpless feeling to not know how to fix your computer. Thank you Tyrone for coming to my rescue! Let’s hope this works… if you don’t hear from me, you’ll know it’s because my computer is giving me fits.

Today was a fun day at work. One of the boards I serve on met at one of our local TV news stations. Afterward I got a tour and met a weatherman, the news producer, and ran into a couple of reporter friends. I have been pitching a lot of stories lately, so hopefully my visit will help keep that ball rolling. And it’s fun to sit here in bed and watch the same news set that I walked around today. Sometimes my job is really cool.

Tonight I went to dinner with Mandi, my best friend from elementary school. We met the summer before first grade and immediately decided that not only would we be best friends, but that we could pass as twins. We never noticed that Mandi was tall with brown hair, and I was short with blonde hair. Details like that didn’t matter. Ever since our first summer together, which was spent swimming and playing on the slip-and-slide, hanging out in her “secret” clubhouse (aka–a finished attic her mom converted into a playroom) and picking out all matching back-to-school clothes, our friendship has continued. We don’t see each other very often now, but it’s so nice to see an old friend turn out to be just as amazing now as she was when she was 6.

I’m behind on posting photos… here’s some from about two weeks ago, when a group of friends went to the rodeo. It was so fun to dress up like a cowgirl, although I’m not sure that “Bethe” and “cowgirl” really go together. But it was fun dressing up… kind of like Halloween.

I’m hopeful for many things.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” Proverbs 13:12

“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.”

Today was a tornado of a day. I didn’t get home from work until 9:30. I never do that.

My mind and my body raced all day–from project to project, from idea to idea, from need to need. I’m not only doing marketing for my hospital, but for a sister hospital who is between marketing directors. So today I was buried in projects, dealing with people I have never met, and others I have known for years. It was exhausting, but productive, and rewarding, and fulfilling. My head is still spinning.

But that may be from all the coffee. I did sneak in a Starbucks treat around 6:00 during my short break between work stints.

I didn’t really work until 9:30, I actually did homework from around 6-9:30. It just helps to do it somewhere besides my house, which is filled with temptations and distractions. One minute I’m reading some gosh-awfully boring research article on the philosophical differences between theories of semantics and pragmatics, and the next minute I’m picking the lint out of my hair dryer and dusting the top of my refrigerator. Because it really does need it, but I’m too short to notice until times like these, when I’m desperate for a distraction. Anything will do.

So now that I’m exhausted, worn out, emptied out, and drained, I am sitting here on my front porch, enjoying an unseasonable cool evening (I even broke out the pink hoodie for warmth!), sitting in silence in my favorite rocking chair that my dad so kindly gave to me last year when I was going through a particularly tough time. Dads are great like that sometimes. I know mine is.

See, look at me ramble. I have had an extremely introspective evening. I think it’s all of the theory research I have been doing. It’s so boring that my mind wanders and I find myself pondering the meaning of life instead of the Peircean theory of semiotics. You would do the same thing if you were me.

As I drove home from work tonight, with my windows rolled down and the cool night air blowing my long, disheveled pony-tail, listening to John Mayer on the radio, I thought about how life applies to the theory I’m researching. It’s the theory of semiotics, or signs. The theory says that basically every object is simply an object until we apply meaning to it. Once we do that, it becomes a sign, or a symbol, and some of those symbols can take on mythic qualities–like the yellow ribbon which symbolizes a welcome home to a soldier returning from war. Even the word love is a sign, which can have different meanings depending on your life experiences and the context. We all could debate for hours the meaning of love, but that would be a futile and already exhausted debate that leads to nowhere. And I don’t have the energy to do that tonight.

So back to sign theory… all of that reading has me thinking about signs in my life. I love my new blue jeans (that I got on sale for just $10… woo hoo!) because they make me feel cute and perky (and the pockets mask the derriere quite well!). They represent my fun, casual side. My delicate gold necklace is a sign that reminds me of my dad, who so sweetly bought it for me at one of his Harley-Davidson rallies (how fun that my dad goes to motorcycle rallies, and even better… that he buys his girls jewelry at them!). My running shoes represent the diligence I’m having to practice to get ready for my half marathon. Those shoes represent a lot of sweat, and soreness, and lost sleep. The flowers in my garden represent my great gardening experiment–can I make it as a successful homeowner or am I sham that doesn’t know the difference between a gardening tool and a hair pick? My front porch rocking chairs represent my independence, my dad’s sweet gesture of love, and my need to experience occasional quiet amidst all of the turmoil that makes up my life.

But what about my God? Oh yes, he is the great inventor of signs. He’s been creating them long before Peirce ever thought of them. From the rainbow, which represents his promise of never destroying his earth again, to (gasp) circumcision (can you say that in a blog?) that marked his chosen people as different from the crowd. Whenever Abraham heard from God, he built an alter to signify the encounter.

One of my favorite signs comes from Joshua, when he led the Israelites into the promised land. First he had to cross the Jordan, and God miraculously parted the water so the people could cross to dry land. And remember, these folks had been wandering in the desert, desperate to finally attain this far-away land that God had promised them but which had seemed so unreachable. So let’s just say that this was kind of a big deal. And something that’s a big deal definitely deserves a sign.

So Joshua called together the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one from each tribe, and said to them, “Go over before the ark of the Lord your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, “What do these stones mean?” tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever. –Joshua 4:4-7

And it’s funny. I’m an avid scribbler in my Bible. If you flip through it, you can quickly see which books are my favorite, and which I have taught in Sunday School, because the words are almost unreadable. I have made notes, on top of notes, and as I flip back through my Bible, these words are signs to me… reminders of things I have learned in the past, of troubles I dealt with, pain I felt, grace I encountered, and relief I experienced as I grew with the Word. These are my signs, pointing me toward a better relationship with Christ. Pointing me toward my promised land.

It seems this time around, the hurricane wasn’t as bad as expected. Kind of ironic that I wrote this post exactly three years ago today.

Today was my first day of school. I figured out I’m in 20th grade.

One year of kindergarten.
Five years of elementary school.
Three years of junior high.
Four years of high school.
Four years of college.
Three years (and counting) of graduate school.

That’s a lot of first days. A couple didn’t go as planned.

On my first day of sixth grade, I knocked out my front tooth on my locker and had to have emergency dental surgery. Because my dentist is a rockstar, I was back at school in time for lunch. Not that I could eat it!

My first day of my junior year of college, I was in such a rush that I wore two different shoes to class. I didn’t notice it until I was sitting in my first class, and happened to glance down at my feet. In horror, I realized that not only were my shoes different, but they didn’t even LOOK similar. One brown high-heeled boot, one black low-heeled boot.

Another first day in college, I sat through almost an entire class before realizing that I wasn’t supposed to be there. I had come an hour early.

And then there’s my recurring nightmare where I show up to my first day of school wearing only my birthday suit.

Tonight was less eventful. No major injuries, no major embarrassments. And I was fully clothed.

Good bloggers post lot’s of pictures. I want to be a good blogger, so here goes:

Here’s the famous quilt I’ve been laboring over. I’m making a VERY basic one because I’m on the remedial quilting plan. But hey, it’s better than not trying at all!

And this week, I was a “big winner” at a Chamber luncheon. I go to hundreds of these a year (okay, maybe dozens, but definitely feels like hundreds, if not thousands, or maybe millions!) so occasionally I win things in raffles. In my 5-year career, I have won a TV, a DVD player, a deck chair (still in a box in my garage), a CD of swing music, a couple of gift certificates… and now this!

(Not the dog… the Barbara K Roadside Safety Kit). I think this may come in handy during my long runs at the park…

I’m not sure who this Barbara K chick is, but I think we’re kindred spirits. The box says, “This kit includes a unique set of high-quality roadside accessories, packaged specifically for you in a bag so stylish it’s a shame to hide it in your trunk!” I know that if I happen to be stranded on the side of the road, I would be just devastated if someone came to rescue me and I was carrying an ugly roadside safety kit! (gasp)