Category / Deep thoughts and blonde moments

by Bethe

A snowy evening

Tonight I had another really special evening. I’m really digging this vacation.
I’ve been hankering to cook ever since I finished school (praise Jesus, hallelujah, every day I wake up thanking the sweet Lord that I am FINISHED with school). So of course tonight, what with the rare Texas snow and all, I just had to make my mom’s famous chili. And because I like you, my dear friend, I thought I’d share the recipe with you. It’s super easy, but shhh… don’t tell anyone. A good cook always pretends like her masterpiece was much more difficult to make than it really was.
Here’s that recipe…

Here’s the chili…
And the melt-in-your-mouth cornbread (with butter… butter makes everything better)…
And you can’t have a snowy night, homemade chili and cornbread without a fire in the fireplace…
And of course, a soft, warm Christmas glow lingering from my tree which I just can’t bring myself to take down just yet.
The rest of my decorations came down days ago, but there’s something about having a tree glowing in my front window that soothes me. And so this old tree may be sticking around until Valentine’s Day. I’m not afraid to be that girl.
Oh… who am I kidding… of course the tree will be down by the end of the week. I’m too much of a conformist. But I like to pretend to be a rebel.
Back to my evening. With a stomach full of chili and a fire to keep me warm, and a nice big mug of hot chocolate, I curled up on my couch and watched the most adorable movie… Julie & Julia.

And as I watched my movie I worked on my latest project: a quilt, made from scraps from upholstery samples my sister brought me home from work. This one should be completed by 2015, if I work fast.

by Bethe

The cat’s outta the bag

So I’ve had this little blog for several years now. Actually, I’ve had this one for two, and had another one for 2-3 years before that. What can I say, I’m a writer… an expressive personality, and a bit gabby. Plus I really enjoy going back and reading about things from the past. Just yesterday I found a stack of notes for the book that has been swimming around in my head for about two years now, and it was so fun to read some of my ideas which I had long forgotten. So this is why I write things down. Why I share those things with you… well that I don’t really know.

But I don’t really tell people about the blog. I let my friends discover it on their own. So it made me laugh a few days ago when Sister Sarah called and in the midst of our typically random sisterly conversation (I have the BEST conversations with her… she’s amazing), she blurted out… “Bethe, I think you need to start a blog. Something for our Sunday School class… you know, like Beth Moore, but only something more ‘you’ instead.”
I had to grin inside and felt kind of silly admitting that I indeed have a blog (although not exactly a Beth Moore blog… mine isn’t even a fraction as fabulous), so I just told her I’d think about it and moved on. I’ve bounced around the idea of writing something simply for girls at my church, but it seems a bit presumptuous, and I do share some scripturely insights on this one anyway.
So fast forward a little…
Tonight I went and saw an absolutely dreadful movie with my family (I won’t even tell you which one… but it was horrendous) and afterward we went to “celebrate” at our favorite restaurant nearby. Again Sister Sarah brought up the whole “blog” idea, and that’s when my mom got a mischievous grin on her face and said, “Well Bethe, don’t you already have a blog?”
Um… my mother doesn’t know about this blog. How embarrassing! But wait… she does.
(gasp)
So I admitted the blog to the family. Turns out my dad knew too. So then I asked my mom… “So if you’ve been lurking all this time, how come you never mentioned it? And why have you never left a comment?”
And that’s when my very own mother said, “Well, it’s not like I read it that often.”
Mmmm… thanks mom. My own mother knows that I write on a regular basis, and yet she doesn’t bother to actually read it. I felt so very loved right about that moment.
But I’m sure that she was overcome with guilt and is now catching up on all my ramblings from the past few months. So hello, mom, and welcome. If you look carefully, maybe you’ll find some nice things I wrote about you, seemingly behind your back.
by Bethe

Grief

Death is a funny thing. You may have no clue it’s coming, and then BAM, it hits you. In my grandmother’s case, we knew for months, and the dying process seemed to crawl by. And then one day you wake up and it’s over.

So then you start the funeral preparations, calling in family, trying to get everything planned for the big event. Folks know what to do, how to help. They bring food. They tell stories.
But my grandmother didn’t want a funeral, and we are honoring our wishes. So instead of a predictable plan, we have had to figure out our own way to deal with the loss. For my family, it meant a fun family dinner that first night, first sharing some hard information, and then transitioning to some great belly laughs. My family is good at belly laughing. Then yesterday the women of the family went shopping. Ironic, because we aren’t a shopping family, but it was something to do, a mission we could conquer and something completely frivolous to enjoy after some stressful weeks.
I found the perfect area rug for my bedroom. And then suddenly I knew I had to paint my bedroom. And having a mission was a bit comforting–next thing I knew we were at the hardware store buying supplies, and then painting until almost midnight, sharing more belly laughs and reminiscing about fun family times of the past. So less than a day after we went shopping, my room looks completely different, and I feel a huge sense of accomplishment. And control. And that is strangely comforting.
More fun family things are planned for tonight. It’s amazing how a very full schedule can suddenly and immediately clear itself with one brush stroke, replacing obligations with simply resting and bonding. Loss is never easy, but it’s a wonderful reminder to enjoy the people around me. And it’s a reminder that because of my faith, I can have hope.
by Bethe

You can call me Orange Face

It’s that time of the year. My beautiful summer tan has begun to fade. I’m no longer spending long afternoons by the pool or sunning myself at the lake, and I’m quickly turning white. White.

But give me another month, and I’ll be even more pale. Which is why I’ve got a dilemma. I bought my makeup back when my face was a golden tan. Now it doesn’t match my skintone. But if I buy new makeup now, in another month it won’t match. So what’s a girl to do? These past few days I’ve noticed that “fake” look that comes from wearing makeup that’s too dark, but I’m on a budget. So at this point I’m going to try to suffer through for another week or two, and then just “wing it” at the MAC counter.
So if you see me and my orange face, please know that I know. And just do your best to pretend not to notice. 

by Bethe

Because I’m having a bad day

Today really stunk. Like, really stunk. I have had car problems almost constantly this summer. 

  • Car broke down in the fast lane of I-35 south of Temple = $450. 
  • Flat tire = $300 for two new tires. 
  • Car overheated = $200 for a new thermostat. 
  • Then car overheated again. 
  • Then overheated again.
You get the idea. It has been an expensive summer. So you can imagine my distress when I found out this morning that to fix my car to drivable condition (because right now it needs a tow truck) it will cost $1200. Best case scenario. Worst case? Around $4,000. Maybe more. 
Oh, the joy of old, beat-up cars. But this old, beat-up car is paid for.
So after I had a good cry (thank you Jesus that I have an office with a door, for such a time as this), I made a quick visit to my local car dealership to see if I would be better off doing the “Cash for Clunkers” option instead of fixing poor Snowflake. Today was the deadline, and I quickly learned that the car dealership had no incentive to make any good deals since they knew I was desperate to get my deal made by 5:00. So after a long discussion with my dad, I decided to give Snowflake another chance. I’m going to hold her hand and get her through this illness and hopefully she’ll survive a better car (quite possibly a car with a brand-new engine, lucky thing).
So in honor of my crummy, financially devastating day (there goes my plans to redecorate my bedroom or take an African cruise… or to be able to afford groceries) I have decided to make a list of things I’m thankful for. I sure need a gentle reminder today. 
  • I have an amazing God who has been speaking to me like crazy through his scripture and through some other folks around me. I am so thankful for spans of time where I can feel his presence, where his Word pierces straight to my heart. Where my prayer time is sweet. In every Christian walk there are times of plenty and times of want, and I am thankful to be enjoying a time of plenty.
  • Along the same line, I am thankful that God seems to be answering a prayer that I prayed fervently over the past year (no, I don’t have a boyfriend, I know you’re thinking it!). I have prayed that God will change my heart and my desires about one particular area of my life, and am watching an inexplicable change that can only be of Him. I can only pray that he continues to work.
  • I have the sweetest dad in the whole wide world, who dropped everything today to go car shopping with his poor, stressed out daughter who is completely clueless about cars. I am also thankful that he lent me his truck to drive while Snowflake is taking her extended vacation to the mechanic.
  • Even though my car has given me nothing but fits this summer, I am thankful that I was never once stranded, never had car problems at night, and only once had a problem on a weekend. Every time, I was able to get it to a mechanic to get the problem taken care of. This last time, I wasn’t able to make it to a mechanic (it happened on a Sunday) but I was able to make it safely home.
  • I am blessed with some fantastic friends, and in particular some wonderful Christian girlfriends who are such an encouragement to me. Socially, they’re super fun. Spiritually, they challenge and encourage me in ways they’ll never realize meant so much to me.
  • I have had the best summer ever. Not only did I kick it off with a fabulous European cruise and then a family wedding, but I have spent the past three weekends hanging out at the lake, spent the weekend before that riding down a river on an inner tube, enjoyed countless dinners out, dinners in, watched movies, and played as much as was humanly possible. I wish I could relive this summer a hundred times. It was pure bliss.
  • Tomorrow I begin my VERY LAST DAY of graduate school! In 117 days, I’ll be walking across the stage at my graduation ceremony, sporting that dorky cap and gown and then celebrating in grand fashion with the party of the century. I can almost taste the freedom. And the free time.
  • I am getting free tuition again this fall, and this time I don’t have to work as a grad assistant to get it! I just get the free tuition, no strings attached. You have no idea the relief I felt when I got the good news!
  • I have a job that I love and I work for a boss that I respect. 
See, I feel better already. I know I’m blessed, and I know that my God is bigger than a stinky old head gasket. 
by Bethe

Such a sap

I’ve become such a sap… today I was sitting at my desk at work, minding my own business, when someone sent me a silly forward about a soldier giving a little girl a hug in an airport… and it sent me right over the edge, probably because I have friends over there. I cried right there at work! Sometimes I’m so thankful that I have an office that offers me privacy for silly days like today.

Then I cried again when I read this blog. You probably will too. We’ve been praying for this cute little boy for months now, and I’m so encouraged by these posts, as well as by the messages folks leave in their guest book. It’s great to claim to have faith when life is rosy, it’s another to be tested and proved through the fire. Watching others go through the trenches and still cling to hope challenges me to move past purely reading scripture and truly living it. Experiencing it. Knowing it. 
Besides, when others are suffering, it gives the rest of us an opportunity to step up to the plate and show Christ’s love in a real, tangible way. I have been blessed with friends who have shown up in the middle of the night with ice cream and hugs when I suffered unexpected heartbreak, or who have sat at the hospital with me, or who have looked me straight in the eye and have spoken hard truth that was exactly what I needed to hear. It’s amazing how God chooses to use us to touch others… and I only pray that God gives me very real opportunities to show his goodness in a way only He is capable of orchestrating.
But enough of the sap. I need to get back to eating my M&M’s and popcorn… don’t act like you don’t know exactly how wonderful that sweet and salty goodness can be. 
Oh, and if you’re looking for some new music (I’m on a total iTunes downloading kick) check out these two songs from Needtobreathe:
Lay ‘Em Down
Washed By The Water
Pure greatness! 
by Bethe

Cleansed

I truly believe that Satan doesn’t want us to go to church. Why would he? Keeping me away from worshipping my God alongside my friends would be a great victory for him. And this morning… he played dirty.
This morning, I think Satan came in the form of toilet bowl cleaner. 
Fitting, isn’t it?
I got the bright idea to clean my toilet first thing this morning. I find the whole process to be dirty, so I try to do it right before shower time. So this morning, before I could have my first cup of coffee (which let’s admit, I don’t think clearly before that first cup of joe), I decided to pull a Martha move and clean my toilet. I opened up a brand-new container of Clorox toilet bowl bleach and went to town.
And that’s when a little splashed in my eye.
It didn’t really hurt, but I knew immediately that this could be very, very bad. I went to the sink and started flushing my eye out with cold water. Once I felt I had gotten most of it out, I picked up the bottle to see the bad news. 
DANGER: CORROSIVE. CAUSES IRREVERSIBLE EYE DAMAGE. 
Houston, we have a problem. I don’t need PERMANENT eye damage! I’m only 28! I’ve got a good 70 more years to use these baby blues. Not to mention that I have my Sunday morning routine down to the millisecond… not a single minute to spare, or I won’t make it to church on time. It’s not easy to be this naturally beautiful…  it takes a lot of planning, primping, plucking, poofing… you get the picture. No time to wash my eyes out for FIFTEEN MINUTES with water!
But I didn’t want to go blind. So I settled on a good 5 minutes of flushing. Ironic that I went from flushing my toilet to flushing my eyes? Sorry… chasing rabbits now. Back to the story.
During the five minutes that I hung my head over my bathroom sink, flushing my sad little eye with cold water, the hypochondriac in me started to flare up. Working at a hospital pretty much cured me of these tendencies, but suddenly, my brain started to burn. I was pretty sure the clorox had traveled up my eye canal, through my sinuses, and gone straight to my brain. Pretty soon I figured I’d turn loopy, start twitching and eventually fall to the floor in a tangled mess of limbs as the bleach burned out my brain from the inside out. They would probably discover me days from now, with Harley the Wonder Schnoodle standing vigil over my sad body, surrounded by his toys and tennis balls.
Plus my eye started to throb. But then I realized that I’d been flushing my poor eye with water for five minutes, so then I wondered if it was the bleach or the water. 
Finally I just gave up, went outside, watered my roses, jumped in the shower and got ready as normal. Three cups of my hazelnut brew later and all was right with the world. I was able to go to church sans eye patch, and it wasn’t even red. So hopefully that means I’m out of the woods. I think I’m going to live. Maybe. Probably. I think.
by Bethe

A wedding and another ugly cry


I was so good this weekend… I didn’t cry a single time during my sister’s wedding. I managed to keep it together the entire weekend without losing it a single time–I was so proud of myself.

It was a wonderfully fantastic weekend. It was also wickedly stressful. I barely ate the whole weekend. I slept just a few hours. We dealt with one crisis after another (you know, the typical car wrecks, flat tires, tornadoes, orange-size hail warnings on the radio, and hair disasters at the salon). I had to get up extra early to get the happy couple to the airport this morning. Then church, then back to my parents’ house to drop off the tux and wedding dress. It was there that (a) I found out that my childhood dog died this morning, and (b) I dropped my beloved iPhone and killed it.
Now even more flustered, I set off to the Apple store to get my phone fixed or replaced. I walked up to the first employee I saw and asked him to help me fix or replace my phone. 
That’s when I got the news. I couldn’t get a new phone for TWO DAYS. 
And the tears started welling up in my eyes. At first, I just got all blurry-eyed, and my lip started to quiver as I asked him to check with the other stores to see if someone else could help me. I told him I’d be willing to drive to Dallas to get a new phone. Anything. I was desperate.
And then the poor, unsympathetic Apple employee told me that there was no store in the entire metroplex that could help me until tomorrow night.
And that’s when the waterworks started to flow.
I didn’t mean to. I really didn’t. It wasn’t about the phone. But one minute, I’m trying to stay calm, and the next minute, the tears start flowing, the shoulders start shaking, my nose starts running, and I blurt out, “BUT-I-DON’T-HAVE-ANY-OTHER-PHONE-I-DON’T-HAVE-A-HOME-PHONE-AND-I-DON’T-KNOW-ANYBODY’S-NUMBER-AND-I-HAVE-PLANS-THIS-AFTERNOON-AND-PEOPLE-ARE-EXPECTING-ME-TO-CALL-THEM-AND-WHAT-AM-I-GOING-TO-DO-WITHOUT-ANY-WAY-TO-CONTACT-PEOPLE-IF-I-NEED-TO-CALL-911-IN-AN-EMERGENCY-I-WON’T-HAVE-A-WAY-TO-DO-IT!-I’M-SORRY-I’M-SO-EMOTIONAL-BUT-MY-SISTER-GOT-MARRIED-AND-MY-DOG-DIED-THIS-MORNING-AND-I’M-HAVING-A-VERY-BAD-DAY-AND-ISN’T-THERE-SOMETHING-ELSE-THAT-YOU-CAN-DO???”
All that, as tears and snot ran down my cheeks. Some of the other customers started to stare, and I just couldn’t get it together. A weekend of controlling my emotions had finally taken its toll and right there in that Apple store, I just lost it. Sometimes a girl just has to have a good cry.
But the crying didn’t do any good. Apple still couldn’t (wouldn’t) help me, and I’m still without my beloved iPhone until tomorrow night (if then). Luckily I have some wonderful friends who lent me an old cell phone, so I do have a phone in case my house burns down and I need to call 911. I’m officially back in the dark ages.
by Bethe

Surreptitiously

I titled my blog Surreptitiously because until today I didn’t know what that word meant. But thanks to my good friends at dictionary.com, I now know that it means secretive. It was one of my many discoveries today as I read 16 academic journal articles about blogging ethics for a research paper. 

Whew. I never knew blogging could be so complex. Honestly, all I do is crank up the old computer and start writing. I have several blogging friends who mull over their entries for days. I don’t bother with that– I just spit the words out onto the page, give it a few fast proof-reads, and then off it launches into the blogging universe, for better or worse. Occasionally I catch a mistake (as I’m sure you do too, although you’re much too kind to tell me) and I’ll sneak back and correct it. And apparently that’s a highly unethical blogging move. I apologize to you, my 15 daily readers. I will try to be better. Although when weighing my ethical responsibilities against my hatred of type-o’s, I may just have to choose to be unethical for once in my life. A girl only lives once, right?
I’m going to try to do better at linking you to cool things I read online. I’m a hard-core news junky who follows three daily newspapers, 100 blogs, all of the major television news Web sites, plus a bunch of other random stuff that comes across my desk. It’s all part of the job, and one that I’m surreptitiously grateful for. I finally found a job that pays me to monitor the media. Eureka!
As I scour the news for work-related stuff, I come across all sorts of weird news stories. I’ll try to let you know what those are, so you can impress your friends and win at Trivial Pursuit.
Here’s my latest discoveries:
Here’s a gal’s ethnographic account of the 9/11 attacks in New York. She tells a good story, and I like her writing style.  
Ever wondered what a trillion dollars looks like?
If I could be a super hero, I think I would choose to be Grammar Girl. I would wear a leotard, a cape, and carry my A.P. Stylebook and a red pen. 
I love celebrity news. It makes me feel so much better about myself. Our local paper has a pretty fun entertainment blog, be it a tad snarky. But sometimes I like snarky.
I would write more, but I just discovered a renegade mosquito buzzing around my bedroom. I’m highly allergic to mosquitos–not enough to make me sick, but enough to grow giant red welps all over my skin if one pays me a visit. I’m determined to kill this sucker before it has a chance to leave me love notes all over my face while I sleep. I’m scheduled to attend a wedding tomorrow, and I would prefer not to come looking like a pepperoni pizza!
Please leave me a comment with some of your favorite sites too! I’d love to add to my collection.
by Bethe

Breathe

The price we pay for beauty… 

I wore an adorable new green dress to work today, and didn’t realize until I sat down at my desk that the fabric around my ribcage was so tight I couldn’t breathe! I also couldn’t lift my arms for fear that the thin silk fabric would rip. I spent my day holding my breath, in a constant state of asthma attack. If only men could appreciate the great lengths we go to look presentable.
When I finally stumbled into my house at 9 p.m., my stiletto heels had been replaced by flip flops, my panty-hose was in my purse, my disheveled hair was in a lop-sided pony-tail and my dress was only half-zipped. Classy.