Author / Bethe

by Bethe

Every pity party has to have an end time

In our house, we say that pity parties are okay, as long as there’s an end time, and mine has come. My particular party has gone on way too long – it’s past curfew, my makeup is smudged, my hair is limp, my cute outfit is all wrinkled, and it’s just time to call it a night.

So I joyfully declare that this first trimester nausea nastiness and personal-and-professional-life-impeding fatigue of a pity party is OVER.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t still feel sick. I’ve just decided that it has to be okay. It has to be okay that my schedule is heavily modified for the time being – it has to be okay that I go to bed early, that I’m sticking close to home, and that some days I just don’t like food.  Because the last thing I want to do is look back on this pregnancy and remember nothing but misery.

I’ve decided to give myself a break. And I hope everybody else will too. I promise that someday I will see you all again, looking perky with a baby on my hip (if you’re lucky I may have even washed my hair), and we will all forget about the mess I was for a few months in 2012-2013. In the meantime, I’m determined to find the fun in all this. After all, having a baby is an adventure – I’m just going to need some motion sickness bands on mine.

Okay, glad we got that out of the way. Time to start planning a new, more fun party. Like, my Gender Reveal Party on Saturday! Any guesses? I’ll tell you in the next blog what I think it is.

by Bethe

Calling all moms – I need some advice

I have a secret.

Like, no idea whatsoever. Thank goodness for Google.

Speaking of Google stories, last night I was telling Mr. Right some things I had learned from friends about breast feeding, and I mentioned mastitis. And that’s when he said, “I know all about that.”

(me): “What?” 

(Mr. Right): “Yeah, Cows get that.”

Oh yeah, I forget, I married a man from the country. Who used to show animals at the stock show. It turns out everything Mr. Right knows about pregnancy and having babies, he learned from cows.

I’m either in very good hands… or I’m in trouble. Time will tell.

But back to babies and how little I know. We’ve started to talk about the nursery, and as we look at various products, I need to know:

1. We need a rocker/glider. What did you use? Did you like the wooden kind with a big/comfy cushion…

or the plush lazy-boy-like chair?

I thought I wanted the plush chair, but now I’m wondering if I would want the rocker with a cushion to offer head/neck support as I feed in the middle of the night. Please tell me what you think.

And, if you have one you loved, where did you get it? We don’t want to break the bank, but I want to invest in something comfortable, since I figure I’ll be spending some late nights rocking Baby Right in it.

One more question – some folks have suggested putting a twin bed in the nursery. Moms, did you do that, or did you wish you had?

Discuss amongst yourselves… in the comments section. I’m all ears.

 

by Bethe

Be joyful in hope

About a week ago, during one of my many hormone-induced tearful meltdowns, Mr. Right kept asking me what was wrong, what I was upset about, and I couldn’t even verbalize it.

In our house, we call that fracturing from reality.

Does that mean I’ve officially punched my ticket to the crazy train? When you’re sobbing and you can’t even explain why you’re upset? How do you give words to that crazy cocktail of fear and nausea and exhaustion and frustration with not feeling like yourself for ten weeks in a row. And I think there may have been a discussion about childcare in there somewhere (which I can’t think about right now – it’s too hard).

And then, as Mr. Right did his best to talk me off of my cliff and bring me back to reality, he did that thing that drives me crazy in the moment (pitfalls of marrying a minister) but really gets me thinking later. My husband is incredibly wise.

He asked me to tell him one thing God has been teaching me through all this.

Which is totally the right question – how has He redeemed the past ten weeks of nausea and complications and sitting on my couch watching 13 seasons of Law & Order SVU while sipping on red Gatorade?

What made it worse was that I had no good answer. I don’t know. I can’t see it yet. After being so sick as a newlywed, I was able to look back and see so many things God taught me. But right now? Right now I just can’t see past right now.

It may take awhile to be able to answer that question. But in the meantime, I will choose to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.  And Baby Right, as tough as this is, you’re worth it.

Scripture print available here

by Bethe

New Texas Lovely Print

I’ve been busy hibernating (and staring blankly at the television) and haven’t had much time to create anything, but today I was inspired to try something new. As I start to think about new, fresh art for our nursery and the rest of our home, I thought that this is a verse that I definitely want celebrated in my house, as a reminder of who we serve.

Available here

by Bethe

Confessions of a first trimester

Oh friends. Where do I begin? My brain no longer works, my body is overcome with exhaustion, and just when I have 2-3 good “almost” nausea-free days (while still on the Zofran, mind you), the nausea comes back and punches me in the face and I find myself lying on the floor of my office, trying to regain the will to go vertical so I can finish out my day with some semblance of professionalism.

You could say I am crawling to this first trimester finish line. And I’m a bit scared that my body missed the your-second-trimester-starts-on-Saturday-and-you’re-supposed-to-start-feeling-awesome memo.

I spent my anniversary too sick to go out for a simple, quickie dinner date with my man to a local restaurant. Not even a fancy night out, which we knew was asking too much (although it’s still in the plans for when I feel awesome again – that’s going to happen someday, right?). Instead we celebrated our anniversary with me in saggy yoga pants, eating take-out on china by candlelight and then me going to bed alone around 9:30, barely able to hold my head up from exhaustion.

Is this what a pity party looks like?

It seems so selfish of me – I am so very relieved to no longer be dealing with the pregnancy complications I had up until week 12. The stress of bleeding every few days and never knowing if that was going to be the time that I lost my baby. Heck, if I think back real hard (which is tough, because this baby has used all of my brain cells for sustenance and there are very few left for me), I remember the many months of disappointment as we tried to get pregnant and it didn’t happen. The longing I felt while sitting through baby dedication at church.

So don’t get me wrong. I am filled with joy. I am grateful. As I look down at my tiny baby bump (which seems kind of soon to be showing, but I definitely am and will take pictures as soon as I have a day where I feel halfway cute when I get home), I finally feel like there’s outward evidence of all of the crazy things going on inside my body. Sometimes it doesn’t seem real that there’s a tiny life in there, since I can’t feel him/her yet. But then I saw baby’s heartbeat after a big scare (and cried), and saw baby kicking on the ultrasound two weeks ago (and cried), and I’m reminded that there’s a precious little life inside. It’s worth it. I still choose this.

Plus, in happier news, pregnancy has done wonders for my hair. I am one step below hair model status– even on rainy days it just does what I want it to do.

The other upside is that I usually run a pretty high-stress life. I go non-stop, commit to too much, and rest too little. That has easily been fixed these past eight weeks as I’ve quickly become a hermit. I’ve been to church once since Thanksgiving. Once. I’ve been to Target once, and the grocery store once. I haven’t hung out with friends. I’ve seen nobody except for coworkers and family. I no longer feel pressure to be Martha Stewart – to make crafts or cook amazing dinners or have the perfect house. I don’t even wash my hair every day. I feel free.

I did clean out my bathroom cabinet on one good day. And I did a few loads of laundry, although poor Mr. Right had to put it all away (and has done the rest of the laundry). I married a very good man. And in true transparency – today is January 9 and my Christmas tree is still up. I hope to have it down before the baby arrives. In July.

It’s okay to admit that I’m not one of those perky pregnant girls who rocks this whole pregnancy thing. Right now I’m a hot mess with pockets filled with preggie pops and nausea wristbands that have replaced my bracelets and an unnatural addiction to chips and salsa (the only food I really love). I hope this will prove to be a freeing experience for me – I no longer care what other people think about me, because frankly I don’t have the energy. And that’s a great way to live.

Simply by getting up every day, I prove that I am tough.

Week 13 starts on Saturday, and I hope to emerge from my cocoon soon, ready to see friends again. Ready to shop in real stores again (did you know you can buy toilet paper on Amazon?!). I’ll even wash my hair. Probably.

by Bethe

Guest post

I guest posted over on my hospital blog this week, and I would LOVE it if a few of you would mosey on over and leave a few comments. It’s kind of like going to a junior high dance – nobody wants to be the first person to ask someone to dance, but once people do, everybody else follows. It’s like that with comments sometimes – care to break the comment ice, for a friend?

Here’s the post

XOXO, Bethe

by Bethe

2012 Year in Review

It’s my sixth anniversary for my annual year-in-review. It’s crazy to look back at 2007, 2008, and 2009, 2010, and 2011 and see how much life has changed. Each year holds a new adventure, and 2012 had plenty of adventures.
Where did you begin 2012?
We rang in 2012 at our friends and mentors’ house, Pam & Greg, with a bunch of our friends.
What random cool things happened in 2012?
Mr. Right traveled to India.
I started Texas Lovely, my online Etsy shop.
Mr. Right started a new real estate business.
We got pregnant.
Mr. Right became a licensed minister.
Mr. Right preached in California, and we turned it into a little vacation, visiting Colfax, Sacramento, and San Francisco.
We traveled to Marco Island, Florida for Mr. Right’s work and a little R&R for me.
I went to Portland, Oregon for a marathon race director conference.
We continued to teach ESL and recruited some really amazing new teachers to help us.
We planted a garden and expanded our patio. We had some success (hello rosemary and tomatoes) and some horrible failures (almost everything else).
Books read in 2011?

Alex Cross, by James Patterson

Poisonwood Bible, by Barbara Kingsolver

The President’s Club, by Nancy Gibbs and Michael Duffy

11-22-1963, by Stephen King

Real Marriage, by Mark & Grace Driscoll

James: Mercy Triumphs, by Beth Moore

Do anything embarrassing?
I got asked if I was pregnant about a dozen times. You know, before I actually was pregnant. 
Did you know anybody who got married?
My best friend Katie…
Lori & Randy…
Amy & Andy…
Joe & Joy…
And Mr. Right and I helped coordinate Hannah & Todd’s wedding (which is why I’m wearing the apron).
Did you move anywhere?
No.

Describe your birthday:

My 32nd birthday was one I’ll never forget. It was the day I found out I was pregnant. Well, technically, it was the day of my birthday party that I found out I was pregnant… and then my actual birthday (Thanksgiving) we got to announce it to both of our families.

So anyway, back to the day we found out. A week before I had a quick case of food poisoning, and I just couldn’t seem to shake the nausea. I was suddenly really tired, just couldn’t seem to bounce back after being sick. So I finally decided to take a pregnancy test… and, well, the rest is history.

After I got the good news, Mr. Right and I spent the rest of the afternoon in the Emergency Room – I was having some symptoms that are dangerous when you’re pregnant, my doctor’s office was closed for the rest of the week because of Thanksgiving, and they told me to go to the ER for tests. About four hours later, we had the good news that we were indeed pregnant, that everything looked fine, and then we had to go to my birthday party (Mr. Right had to leave me at the hospital to go home and grab my cake and a change of clothes, and I changed in the hospital bathroom), then go straight to my birthday dinner.

For two people who are terrible at keeping secrets, not telling folks at our party made us both want to explode. It was SO hard.

You can totally tell in these pictures that I don’t feel well. That was the beginning of this two months of non-stop nausea.

What’s something you learned about yourself?
I feel like I really stretched myself creatively through opening Texas Lovely.
I learned a lot about faith when Mr. Right quit his job and started a new real estate business.
Were you in school this year?
Mr. Right and I did some more ESL training (we’re officially certified now), and Mr. Right continued on in seminary. He’s down to SIX classes left (out of 98 hours total) and should finish in 2013… praise the Lord. I can’t wait to plan his graduation party – it’ll be a biggie.
Any new additions to your family?
In June 2012 I welcomed my nephew Luke James – first son of my sister Sarah and her husband Philip. Luke was a week late but totally worth the wait.
In August 2012 I welcomed another nephew, Jack Henry – second child to Mr. Right’s brother Grant and his wife Michelle. Jack Henry was a bit of a surprise, coming eight weeks early, but by the grace of God he is healthy and growing quickly!
Favorite night out?
Of course I have several…
While we were vacationing in Marco Island, Florida last spring, we picked up chinese food and took it to a pier overlooking the ocean. At sunset. And there was ice cream.
There was our anniversary get-away… a night at a fancy hotel, dinner at a fancy steak house, and then lounging around and doing absolutely nothing productive the rest of the time.
There was our epic camping trip – when Chef Right cooked me a gourmet dinner and breakfast. The weather was perfect, we took a long hike the next morning – the only downside to our romantic night under the stars was the group of 12-year-old boy scouts at the site right next to ours.
And then there was my secret date – the one that I planned – where I took Mr. Right to the Concert in the Gardens and had a big picnic. It was one of my favorite dates ever.

What do you want to change in 2013?

What, besides becoming a family of three? I’d like to relax more and worry less.

 

Where did you spend most of your time?
I spent most of my free time in 2012 sewing in my sewing studio. I knocked out 10 quilts – and I love each and every one of them.
Do you have a new year’s resolution?
Last year I was 0 for 3 on my resolutions. This year, I only have two:
1. Have a baby (I think I’ve got this one).
2. Create a more organized system for our mail/bills/family paperwork.
Did you get sick this year?
I had one ER visit for an asthma attack, and I’ve been quite sick in my first trimester.
Start a new hobby?
Nope, but I stayed plenty busy with all that quilting.
What are you hoping and planning for in 2013?
I can’t wait to meet our sweet baby – to hold him or her for the first time. I can’t wait to find out if it’s a boy or a girl, to decorate the nursery, to experience all of his or her firsts.
I know 2013 is going to be a very special year.
by Bethe

Sigh of relief

Thanks to my prayer warrior friends and family for so faithfully praying for us. We had our 11-week appointment tonight (my first after this latest round of complications hit) and we got WONDERFUL news. The problems I was having, which were so frightening, are virtually undetectable now on the ultrasound. Problem fixed. My doctor said I can slowly resume normal activities, praise the Lord. God is good.

This is me breathing a huge sigh of relief. I may or may not have cried with happiness at dinner. And when I got home. But whatever, I get a pass this time.

And, we found out that we’ll get to know our baby’s gender by the end of January. I’m convinced it’s a girl. Mr. Right’s convinced it’s a boy. I’m thinking we may need to make a friendly wager.

by Bethe

A slightly pitiful Christmas wrap-up

Christmas this year was both wonderful and awful. Wonderful because I got to spend quality time with both sides of the family. Awful because I ended up spending Christmas day alone on my couch, sicker than I’ve been at any other point in this pregnancy. It was the pits.

But back to the good parts. It was a huge treat to see all members of both sides of our immediate families (including two new nephews and our adorable niece with her pink cowboy hat and new pony), plus our aunt from England (we sure missed my uncle, who wasn’t able to make the trip). We were blessed with great conversation and gifts more generous than we deserved. Plus it was fun to give some of the presents Mr. Right and I made ourselves, and a relief to not have to keep those as secrets anymore. Neither of us is good at keeping secrets, so it was a small miracle that we didn’t tell each other what our gifts were.

Which for the record: Mr. Right gave me something I had been asking for… a family recipe book. He’s an amazing cook, but never works off of recipes (and I only cook off of recipes) so I had been asking him to write down our favorites so I could make them too. He did, and I love my new book. I, in turn, gave him a custom Texas Lovely print featuring a quote he had asked me to make something with months ago.

The actual Christmas day involved me crying four different times – hello pregnancy hormones. I cried when Mr. Right gave me my Christmas presents, I cried when he said something sentimental. I cried at an episode of How I Met Your Mother (which is how I know it was hormones), and I cried in bed that night in frustration that this nausea thing continues to drag on, and not just serve as an annoyance but hinder me from doing just about anything. Sweet Mr. Right was there to listen and reassure me that this season will pass, even though in the moment it feels like a forever kind of thing.

In God’s infinite grace, the next day I felt significantly better, I got a good night’s sleep (after waking up at 4:00 a.m. on Christmas morning), and my spirits were raised. I continue to look like a total wreck, but I’m thankful for good days sprinkled in the midst of the crummy ones.

If you can, please say a little prayer for our doctor’s appointment today. We have another ultrasound to see our little kumquat, and while I’m confident everything is okay, those words (high risk) still haunt me, and I’ll feel better after I know things are still on track. I’ll be 11 weeks along on Saturday, so I’m very, very close to being out of the woods. I know my God is in complete control and won’t be the least bit surprised by our appointment later today – please pray that my mind will find peace.

by Bethe

Christmas Card

I just barely managed to get my Christmas cards out this year. Here’s the final product – photo courtesy of McGowan Images.

My nausea is back with a total vengeance. Not exactly how I want to spend my Christmas, but I’m thankful that this baby is still in here cooking. So for that, I will choose joy, as I imagine next Christmas with a smiling 5-month-old sitting in my lap as we open Christmas presents.

Now, off to go toast another bagel.