Things you should never EVER say to a woman

Sometimes I’m amazed at how often people speak without thinking. Maybe it’s because it happens to me regularly. The “Are you pregnant?!” question seems to hit me at least once a month. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD, I WILL LET EVERYBODY KNOW WHEN I’M PREGNANT, AND UNTIL THEN STOP ASKING ME.

But you know, it doesn’t really bother me.

Just like constantly running into the sharp corner of my desk doesn’t leave giant bruises on my tushy.

So, as a public service announcement, here’s a list of things you should never say to a woman, broken into different categories. Who knows, maybe we can change the world, one avoided awkward situation at a time. 

1. Oh my gosh! Are you pregnant?
2. Oh, you’re not pregnant? Must be the shirt… (when you’re wearing your favorite shirt)
3. When are you guys going to start your family? Are you trying yet? (none of your business!)
4. Are you sick?
5. You look tired.
6. She’s old. How old is she? I don’t know, about your age I think?
7. You look good for your age.
8. Are you a natural blonde?
9. I’ve got so much to do before I turn… 30! (be sure to say 30 with total disgust)
10. My husband and I plan to start our family by 27, because we don’t want to wait until we’re old to start. (Totally had an intern who said this when I was 28 and single.)

1. Why are you still single? What’s wrong with you? Why haven’t you found a husband yet?
2. When my youngest sister got married first: Wait, you’re telling me the YOUNGEST sister is getting married before the OLDEST sister? How weird!
3. Then, when my middle sister got married before me: So the OLDEST sister is the LAST to get married?!

And last but not least, the following two categories are from my little scientific poll I did on Facebook. I’m not the only one who gets crazy questions.

1. Are you having twins?
2. You look huge!
3. (Early on in her pregnancy:) You’re going to be huge! (Submitted by Jenn)
4. Your hips are like a baby super highway. (Oh Bevin, I can’t believe someone said that to you!)

1. From Adra: I was recently asked if my dad was my husband. Awkward.
2. From Jenn & Stephanie: Referring to a purse, jewelry, sunglasses, and/or body parts with “Is that (are those) real?”
3. From Kelly: “You look hot… when you try.”
4. From Erin: “I’m really attracted to brunettes.” When you’re a blonde…

So, my lovely friends, just think. If each of us taught just one other person to never EVER ask questions like, “Are you expecting?!” when a girl wears a fashionable yet flowy shirt, then through the laws of multiplication (that’s a thing, right?) we could single-handedly save girls like me from having to burn all of her favorite shirts.

It would be life changing, I tell you. Life changing.

PS–Any other things that should be added to our list of never ever statements? Leave it in the comments!


Helene in Between

I’m linking this post up with Tell me about it Tuesday with  EmilyKathleenHelene and Rachel.

Also, just a reminder that Helene’s Texas Lovely give-away ends Tuesday! Be sure to go enter to win a free 8×10 print!


In case you were wondering…

It took me 11 episodes of 30 Rock to piece my nephew Jack’s baby quilt on Saturday. That’s a new record! I’m bursting with excitement to show you and may not be able to wait until I’m able to get it in the hands of his sweet mama (my sister-in-law Michelle) before posting a sneak preview. I chose a design that I’ve had swimming around in my head for months, and I must say it turned out so cute I squealed, and then danced around while Mr. Right oohed and aaahed over it like a good husband of a quilter.  I may just make another one with some of the leftover fabric and stick it in my shop for a baby gift. You know, since I promised I’d never sell a quilt in there, and every good woman changes her mind.

I still have to quilt and bind it, but luckily I’m only on Season 2 Episode 12 of 30 Rock, so there’s plenty of time to finish it.

I got asked if I was pregnant on Friday. Again. Three times in one day. By one woman and two men. For the record, I’m not. And people should stop asking. And I am going to have to burn that shirt (along with this one and this one and this one), which I admit was a bit loose, but I bought it from the regular section of LOFT.
On Saturday I started tracking my calorie intake/outtake on the myfitnesspal app. I’m hoping the accountability of keeping a food journal will help me with item #2 on my list. I’m on Day 4, which practically makes me an expert. (Who’s taking bets that I’ve forgotten about this by Thursday?) PS–I’ve lost two pounds. It may have been water weight, but I’m celebrating nonetheless.
We watched the greatest movie this weekend – Capote. It’s rated R, but if you have a husband who will tell you when to close your eyes (an opening murder scene, and about two minutes toward the very end), it’s really more of a light PG-13. It’s now in my Top 10 list of favorite movies. (note to self – create list of my other top 9 favorite movies.)

Does anybody else LOVE LOVE Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition? Mr. Right and I want to adopt Chris Powell into our family.  We love positive people, and we hear he’s a fan of CrossFit like us. 

My favorite restaurant in all of DFW is closing in a few weeks. To be replaced with a TACO SHOP. As if Texas doesn’t have enough Mexican food restaurants already. I’m not sure who was more sad, Mr. Right and I when we found out on our date Friday night, or the manager who knows us because we go so much (and send all of our friends there). Rest in peace, Cowboy Chow in Roanoke. I will miss your watermelon tea and fry bread dipped in honey and black bean mash. 
My prayer right now is Psalm 107:7 – “He led them by a straight way…” Life seems to be swirling all around us lately, with our own plans turned upside down and many of our closest loved ones going through some pretty big trials. 
“When I said, ‘My foot is slipping, your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.’” Psalm 94:18-19

I am so glad you follow my little blog. Bless you!

It was a good day… really.

So today I got to clean up a child’s vomit, and a man asked me if I was pregnant.

Seriously, people? I haven’t had a carb in 30 days! I’m feeling kind of awesome at the moment. I AM NOT PREGNANT AND PLEASE STOP ASKING ME BECAUSE YOU’RE GIVING ME A COMPLEX.
My husband says I should just throw away this shirt. But I love this shirt, so instead I’ve resigned myself to grabbing the offending person’s hand, holding it up to my baby-less belly, and reminding them that I HAVE NOT HAD A CARB IN 30 DAYS AND I’M DOING CROSS FIT LIKE A CRAZY WOMAN. And that I’m not pregnant.

Whew. Must. Take. A. Deep. Breath.

But anyway, other than those two things, I actually had a quite wonderful day.
Did I mention I cleaned up puke? If you know me, you’ll know why this is particularly laughable.
My evening is going to be even better, because I’m coming home to a box of freshly picked peaches from my in-law’s neighbor’s peach tree, and I am going to attempt to make my very first peach cobbler.
My chef husband will probably supervise. And stand there looking all cute and stuff.  
I can’t wait.