I’m still undecided about this season’s Bachelor. I find Jason to be a bit vanilla. Boring. And a little too familiar. I caved and watched episode 2 last night, but it was a total snoozefest.
Well my friends, I finally did it. I crossed over to the dark side.
I auditioned for a reality television show.
Well, sort of.
There wasn’t much of an audition. I just filled out an application and turned it in at an open casting call. That was it. No on-camera interview, no being looked up and down to see if I was good enough. No eyes peering at me expectantly, analyzing my very being. Nope, I just handed some chick my application.
But oh, what an interesting night it was! After handing over my application, they had us “mingle” around and they said they would “watch” us. I want that job. Because the people-watching was FANTASTIC. Best ever. I definitely got my money’s worth.
I should mention that the show was The Bachelorette. So everybody there was single, looking to mingle. The guys were prowling around the room, almost animalistic in the way they carried themselves, with their designer clothes and $200 haircuts. The girls were stuffy and stuck-up, trying to portray their awesomeness in a way that would catch the producer’s attention. Everybody had a sparkle of desperation in their eye. It was like a strange mating ritual, with birds puffing up their feathers, trying to out-puff each other to gain the coveted trophy… a spot on a dating show. Folks are funny when they compete while trying to look like they don’t care. I just tried to stay out of their way.
I didn’t go thinking that I would be chosen. I know that’s crazy talk, and I’m not sure I would want to be put in a position where my father and my pastor had to watch me kiss boys on TV anyway. Plus, I would be the world’s most BORING bachelorette… who wants to watch a nice, wholesome, Christian girl act like a lady on a date? That doesn’t make for good TV. But the curiosity was so great, and my sisters were so persuasive, that we just had to go. With the advent of a new year, we decided to be adventurous. I’m glad I did, because it was an experience unlike any other I’ve ever had. We even made a few friends of the male persuasion while we were there. I got to talk with Jeremy, one of the top three bachelors from Deanna’s season (we have a mutual friend, and I actually made a guest appearance on his softball team last summer), and I said hello to one of my favorite radio DJs from Kidd Kraddick (JC). All this, and I was still home by bedtime.
I’m glad I lived my adventure. But I’m glad to be back in Normal Land, where folks are real and more relaxed and don’t puff up their feathers and prowl around.
PS–just for kicks, here’s an old post with my advice to Bachelor contestants.
My roommate and I watched the third episode of this season’s The Bachelor tonight. It is a great lesson in what NOT to do if you’re crushing on a guy. Here’s some tips:
1. Don’t turn psycho. Guys really hate that. Unless you’re a bleached blonde actress from Hollywood… and then they give you more leniency.
2. No temper tantrums. Especially on your first two dates.
3. Don’t get so worked up that you yell at the camera about how much you LOVE this guy you just met two weeks ago. Really? Are you sure it’s L-O-V-E and not a desire to W-I-N? Because one of these girls (Robin) looks like she could tackle someone and knock their teeth out. All in the name in love. She scares me.
4. Be a little mysterious. Telling a guy that he has all the qualities you’re looking for in a husband after you’ve only spent 20 minutes alone with him is probably too forward. Play hard to get. Some of these girls should play harder.
5. Avoid singing or playing an instrument on a first date. Guys don’t dig that as much as you think they do. It’s kind of creepy.
So thank you, Bachelor, for your continuing education of the dating public. We owe you a debt of gratitude.
And you make me laugh.