Author / Bethe

by Bethe

Irony

I’m in charge of a big event for work tomorrow. We’re expecting around 500 people for a ribbon cutting ceremony, followed by a lunch. It will take place in a giant tent… 60 feet x 90 feet. There’s no sides to this tent, just a top.

Which leads to the irony…

The fire marshal required us to post “emergency exit” signs in this tent! In a tent with NO SIDES. So if by some crazy fluke a fire breaks out during my party, hopefully my guests will see my strategically placed signs and evacuate my tent via the labeled exits. Not necessarily by simply WALKING OUT of this tent with no sides. Apparently that’s expecting too much of people.

It’s obvious that strict government oversight is always the best answer.

by Bethe

Lost & Found

I cleaned out my closet last night. One of those deep cleanings that involve a ladder, several trash bags, a flashlight, and heavy-duty rock music.

My closet now looks wonderful, and in the process I found some pretty cool stuff.

As I was throwing away just about anything I could get my hands on, I went on a treasure hunt to see what fun things I could find buried at the bottom of my old purses. I found around 20 Euros (that will come in handy next summer, if I can find that special place where I’m sure to find them again), a business card holder with my name engraved on it (haven’t seen that in years… yea!), a bunch of gum, a lot of medicine (I must always have allergies, because there was Claritin swimming in the bottom of every one of my purses!), a hand-crank flash light that will never run out of batteries… all treasures that I had forgotten about! I found a bunch of old receipts that brought back memories from special dinners, outfits for big occasions, baseball ticket stubs, and so much change that my piggy bank is now full! It’s amazing what sort of things a girl can carry around in her purse, day after day, and never think about.

by Bethe

Escape

This week was hard. Tuesday and Wednesday I worked all day, then had school from 6:00-8:40, then came home and did homework from 9-midnight. Thursday, I had to do a midnight press check for my magazine that I wrote. By Friday, I was so tired I could barely see straight.

So, so very tired.

But now I’m better. I spent my weekend sleeping and reading (okay, I also squeezed in some tennis and shopping). In a few weeks I get to meet one of my favorite authors (Anita Shreve) when she makes a local stop on her book tour, so I’m anxiously devouring a few more of her books before I meet her. I’ve already read this, this, and this, and this weekend I read most of this. Next, I’m going to tackle this. Her books are simply wonderful.

There’s no better feeling than to have a book that I can’t put down. Looking forward to crawling into my comfortable bed for a few uninterrupted hours of escape, not thinking about anything except the picture the author so beautifully paints in my head. Wanting to squeeze in just one more chapter. Maybe two. And next thing I know, hours have passed, and I have lived a life I had never known before, met people from another place or time. Oh, the joy of a good book.

by Bethe

Crunch

It’s crunch time. I have a big paper due on Friday, but I’m determined to finish it. Tonight. Because tomorrow night I want to go play with my friends. So I promise myself that I will finish it tonight. No matter what.

But it kind of reminds me of those nights back in elementary school, high school, even college, when I had a big project due, and all I really wanted to do was go hide in a corner and cry. I’m not ready to cry just yet, but it’s only 9:30 p.m. Give me two or three hours and I’ll be seeing things a bit less clearly! If I’m still here after midnight, well, it won’t be pretty folks.

And remind me to tell you about the class I helped with tonight as part of my grad assistant position. Seeing those students made me miss my old wardrobe, which only consisted of t-shirts, flip-flops, and going out clothes. Ahh, the good old days!

Back to work.

by Bethe

Sometimes I’m just stupid.

Tonight, the minute class was over (at 8:30) I rushed to the Taco Bell drive-through. My stomach had been growling for hours and I was famished to the point of dizziness. All I wanted was my Mexican Pizza and a big Diet Coke (because tonight is a late night for homework… I need the caffeine!). I was on the phone with Sister Lindsay as I barked my order to the lady in the intercom. Then I pulled up to the window, threw her my money, got my Diet Coke…

And drove away.

Without my food.

I realized it right after I left. So I threw my car into park, jumped out, pranced back up to the drive-through window in my high heels and Jackie-O black dress (never got to change after work), and tried to get my food. There was already a new car at the window, and I’m sure he thought I was crazy and about to rob him or the restaurant. But no, all I wanted was that Mexican Pizza.

We quickly became friends as I tried to explain why I was standing outside his car, wedged between him and the window, in the dark, in my high heels. He was nice, but kept looking at me like I was scaring him a little. After the Taco Bell lady handed him his food, he tried to drive off without running me over, but I had blocked the driveway with my SUV. There was no escaping. Finally I got my Mexican Pizza, pranced back to my car, hopped in, and drove off into the night.

I bet that guy thinks I’m a complete nut. But I’m not… just easily distracted!

by Bethe

Y is for Yoga

I tried out the yoga class at my new gym tonight. I love my gym because it takes about 90 seconds to get from my driveway to the front door of the gym. So much nicer than my old 15-20 minute hike. Never mind that the folks who work at this gym aren’t very friendly… I think it’s every gym’s policy to be snotty to customers when they walk through the door. It’s part of their business plan… if they make me feel like a big loser when I arrive, then I’ll be more motivated to bust my tushy on the treadmill so that someday, I can be cool like those gym workers. I bet they cover that in orientation, right after they go over the benefit plans.

But back to yoga… I love yoga because it’s one of the only times that I ever stop thinking. You can’t think while you do yoga, because otherwise you’d lose your balance and hit your head on the floor. And not to brag, but I consider myself to be something of a yoga expert. I may not be a fast runner, a strong weight-lifter, a coordinated dancer, or come to think of it, have any other athletic talents, but I can twist my body like a pretzel and balance in precarious positions better than most. And I can do that while thinking about nothing. I think it’s all of those years of cheerleading and gymnastics classes that are finally paying off. Because cheerleaders also like to think about nothing. Except their reasons for doing so are a bit different.

But now it’s time to think again… I’ve got a school paper calling my name. It’s a bit hard to hear over the sound of me munching on a piece of Starbucks coffee cake, but it’s a faint, muffled hint of a sound in the distance. I should go tackle this thing (the homework, not the coffee cake) and show it who’s boss.

by Bethe

Chasm

“You can’t cross a chasm in two small jumps.” –Chinese proverb

If my homework were a chasm, it would take a hop, a skip, a jump, and an airplane to cross. I have been buried all week, and stressed to the point where it’s almost hard to breathe. Today I hit my wall and ended up on my couch, watching all of the shows saved on my precious Tivo (including The Office, two episodes of Ugly Betty, and the presidential debate, which I have now slept through not once but TWICE). Sometimes you just have to do nothing to save your sanity. I feel much more sane now, and after a much-needed dinner with my family, I think I’ll be back to the old Bethe again.

by Bethe

Poor little old me

It’s Saturday morning, the sun is shining, the birds are singing…

And I’m up at work, in an office with no windows, writing a research paper for school.

Blah.

I was here until 9:00 last night. On a Friday. When all my friends were out playing. This morning, after an abbreviated run, I was back up here by 9:30, and I’ll probably be here all day. Probably tomorrow too.

Blah.

Back to work…

by Bethe

Surveyed

I took this survey during the commercials for The Office (because who wants to watch commercials???):

What were you doing at ten last night?
Sitting at my kitchen table doing research for a paper… so exciting. But before that, I did Sister Pedicure Night and then we went to church, so overall it was a pretty nice night!

Are you good at giving directions?
I am directionally challenged. It’s a real disability, I should be eligible for a scholarship.

Last time you cried really hard?
Last Christmas I watched PS, I Love You, and I cried some big, ugly tears. That movie is worse than The Notebook.

What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?
Peanut butter cookies?

When did you get in your last argument?
I’m not confrontational. Sometimes I want to yell at someone, but I hold it back and just smile sweetly. Or stew.

Do you prefer hot or cold weather?
I love cold nights when I can curl up with my electric blanket and flannel sheets. I also have a “thing” for cute coats and fires in my fire place.

Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
My hair’s wet because I just got it cut, but that wouldn’t stop me. One of my favorite things to do is roll out of bed on a Saturday and run my errands early… which means no make-up, and sometimes I wear my pj’s. I may enjoy being girly, but I’m not very high-maintenance.

If you could go any place in the world where would you go?
Let’s see, Greece and Spain were at the top of my list, and I’ll be there next summer!

Have you ever made someone so mad that they broke something?
Again, not confrontational.

What is your favorite color?
Pink. I love anything that’s girly. I’m wearing pink right now, actually.

If you could go back in time, how far back would you go?
That’s an interesting question. There were times in my life that were a ton of fun, but not sure I want to go back to any particular time.

When is your bedtime?
Usually around 10:30 or 11, but lately I’ve been staying up later to do homework. Gosh, I’m sensing a theme. How boring! I’m not always such a dork, this is only temporary. My fun, adventurous self will reemerge as soon as I turn in my paper and prep for the class I have to teach as part of my graduate assistantship.

Are you quiet?
Only when I’m very, very tired.

Have you ever collapsed on the bathroom floor?
Two Christmases ago I got the stomach flu. The bathroom floor and I became good friends.

Do you like your music loud ?
Yes, especially when I run. And lately I’ve been rocking out to Ozzie and Metallica, Miley and Hanson… anything to distract me from the pain of running.

Would you rather stay home all day, or be out and about?
I love my house, but if I stayed home all day, I’d go nuts. I have to leave for at least a little while to accomplish something.

Last thing you purchased?
I paid way too much to get my hair done tonight, but some things are non-negotiable. I also bought some shoes today during my lunch break.

What’s your worst habit?
Sometimes I eat snacks late at night. Oprah says you shouldn’t eat after 7:00 p.m., but that’s just not realistic. Sometimes a girl needs freshly baked cookies or ice cream at 10:00 p.m., and that’s okay.

Plans for the upcoming weekend?
Besides massive amounts of homework? Saturday I’m going for a long run (10-12 miles), and I have a girls’ night out planned. Sunday I’ll have church, and hopefully I can squeeze in time for some flag football.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
I’ll be 32. Other than that, it’s anybody’s guess.

Where are you at noon every day?
That’s one of the best things about my job… no two days are alike. Quite often I have luncheons and board meetings… other times I run to Chick-fil-a or Subway to grab a quick lunch and then head back to work.

How many speeding tickets have you gotten in the last 5 years?
Just one.

Do you keep your closet organized?
It depends on your definition of organized.

What movie are you waiting to see in theaters?
There’s no movies I’m anxiously anticipating. However, I can’t wait to see the presidential debate tomorrow on TV! I guess that makes me a huge nerd.

What is your favorite drink?
Diet Coke & strawberry milkshakes. Hmmm… I wonder if Sonic is still open?

by Bethe

I want to be a star

I watched two hours of Dancing with the Stars tonight. Can I just tell you that I want to be famous, simply so I can be a contestant on Dancing with the Stars? Unfortunately, odds are not in my favor… I’m not sure what a 27-year-old girl in suburbia with no unusual talents can do to become a big star. Somehow Kim Kardashian figured it out, but I’m not sure how I would go about getting a reality TV show. I think usually they pick people a bit more scandalous than me.

So I think my best option is to become a ballroom dancing champion. Then I can be one of the professional dancers on the show and get paired with some hunky soap opera star with big muscles and a small mind. And then I can wear the pretty dresses, flashy jewelry, have my hair done, and dance around like a big star while a crowd of admiring fans cheers me on.

Yes, I think I’ll add it to my “to-do” list. Become a ballroom dancing champion. I can see it now… I better get to work.