My cell phone company and I are in the midst of a nasty break-up.

I hate you, Hawk Electronics. There, I said it. I know it’s bad to hate someone (something?) but you bring out the worst in me. When I’m with you, I’m not a better person. Besides, there’s someone else… another cell phone service that I want to be with. His name is AT&T.

YOU messed up my bill. Even though I was with someone (something?) else, you kept sending me bills. It was like you just couldn’t let go. Then, all of those long, heated arguments with your rude customer service folks who wouldn’t correct my billing problems started to eat away at my time. It’s not worth it. I can do better.

The kicker… when you told me not to pay my bill because you would send me an adjusted bill. I asked about late fees, and you assured me you wouldn’t charge me any. And I belieived your lies. When I opened my bill this morning, and that late charge was staring me in the face, it was all I could do not to lose my cool. But I’m trying to be the bigger person. Although if I wasn’t as big a person, I might have considered doing some of those things Carrie Underwood sings about… but my Louisville Slugger is up in the attic and it’s too hot to go find it. You’re lucky.

I wish you would just tell me how much I really owe so I can pay my bill and then end this relationship. I need a clean break. Please don’t call me anymore.

Hawk… it’s not me, it’s you.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Time to go make another break-up CD.