Dear Neighbor:

Your barking dog woke me up again this morning. He does this every morning. It’s not like I sleep late… sometimes your dog wakes me up before my alarm goes off at 6:30. On the weekends, your dog usually wakes me up around 7:00 a.m. I really do like animals, but I don’t want to hear your dog bark before I have the chance to stumble out of bed to have my first cup of coffee. I’m a patient individual, but not until after 8:00. Before that, I’m a bit irrational.

Part of me wants to march over to your house, knock on the door, and very sweetly ask you to muzzle your dog. But I don’t know you yet, and I’m not sure how you’ll take my request. I’d hate for you to shoot me or vandalize my house or something.

I have considered leaving you a note. Maybe I could type it, or cut the letters out of a magazine and paste it together so you won’t be able to track it back to me. But that seems kind of passive-aggressive, and I’m really a nice person. At least, when I’ve had my sleep.

I’ve thought about calling the city to report you. Or maybe the Homeowner’s Association. Or I could always shoot your stupid dog with a tranquilizer dart. Not to kill it, of course, but to shut it up for a few hours.

I’ve had a lot of time to think about my options as I lay in bed each Saturday morning, unable to sleep because of the constant, incessant barking. Over and over and OVER.

So please at least consider the muzzle. Or a tranquilizer. Or maybe move. Just please, PLEASE stop the barking. Even my dog, the Wonder Schnoodle, is annoyed.

Thank you,
A concerned neighbor