I’m the co-maid of honor in my youngest sister’s wedding on Saturday, and I wasn’t the least bit nervous. Until about an hour ago, when I discovered that there will be a fabric runner laid on top of the center aisle for me to walk on.
EEEK! What was my sister thinking?!
I’m the girl who tripped at a job interview as I walked down a tile hallway. One moment I was walking along in my brand-new business suit and high heels, and the next moment I was face-down on the linoleum, arms and legs spread eagle. I hit so hard my forehead had a bruise. I think they were so worried I might sue them that they went ahead and gave me the job.
I’m the girl who tripped while walking up the stairs at my high school. I fell face-down on the top stair, and when I finally lifted my head in shame, I saw 25 students staring back at me from a classroom, right across from where I lay.
I’m the girl who fell down a set of marble stairs at a hotel in Venice in front of a small crowd of people.
I’m the girl who fell down all 20 stairs at my apartment sophomore year, causing a deep, purple bruise that ran from my bra strap to my tailbone… the week before I was due to wear a backless formal dress.
I’m the girl who knocked out my own front tooth. Twice. And caught my hair on fire. At church.
And I can’t tell you how many chocolate fountains I have bumped into, staining perfectly beautiful cocktail dresses. I not only spill on myself, but also on those around me. Just ask the table full of people in Tuscany, who witnessed me spilling 10 bottles of water and wine all over everything and everybody. It was just like knocking over dominoes… one right after another after another.
If it can be spilled, I will do it. If there are stairs, I will fall down them. And if there is a runner of fabric laying on top of the aisle, with even the slightest crinkle or movement, then we all know that I will probably trip and fall, ruining my sister’s wedding while 350 of our closest family and friends watch.
I’m going to start praying now. Maybe she will change her mind.