You know you’re a mama if…

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-You can nurse a baby while curling your hair, answering email on your phone, drinking a cup of coffee and listening to the radio.

-You open up your closet and realize you have nothing to wear. Not because you’re picky, but because everything is covered in spit-up and needs to be washed.

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-Your baby is better dressed than you are.

-Sleeping through the night until 5:30 a.m. feels like you’re back in college sleeping ’til noon.

-You feel a twinge of guilt for accidentally falling asleep with your baby monitor on mute, but MY GOODNESS IT WAS THE GREATEST NIGHT OF SLEEP IN YOUR LIFE. And everybody survived.

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-There is a pair of baby bloomers  and one tiny baby sock in your purse. Extra points if there’s also a bottle of breast milk and a nose plunger in there.

-You go into a meeting, look down, and find dried spit-up, dried milk, or dried  (fill in the blank – the possibilities are endless) on your pants.

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-You find that clothing with “just a little” spit up is perfectly wearable. However, when there’s so much spit-up that it drips down and fills your pockets, well, it’s time to change clothes.

-You’re juggling two bags and a baby carrier and you feel like your load is light.

-You’ve passed some sort of sickness back and forth between yourself and your baby. Bonus points if it was something too embarrassing to admit in public.

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-You bring a breast pump on a date. Bonus points if you’ve used a breast pump in the restroom of a major sporting event during half time and then had to carry the bottle of milk in your jacket pocket the rest of the game.

-You define a good day by the number of naps your baby took.

-You can fold a stroller with your eyes closed and one hand tied behind your back.
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-You are juicing more than Alex Rodriguez or Lance Armstrong, only your drugs of choice happen to be lactation supplements.

-You will do anything – and I mean ANYTHING – to make your baby smile. Including performing strange interpretive dances, singing off-key, making up words to songs you can’t remember, or making funny noises with your mouth.554180_10151702431416120_164531768_n

-You feel like it’s a personal victory if a poopy diaper stays contained inside the diaper. And if it’s not, you’re an expert stain removing ninja.

-You have that one place on the side of baby’s neck where you love to bury your nose and snuggle her close.

-When ordering at a restaurant, you choose foods that can be eaten one-handed while you tend to baby with the other one. Extra points if you order something that will taste good after sitting out 30 minutes, since the chances of you eating a hot meal are slim to none.

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-You realize that the milk you’re drinking has been expired for a week, and you go ahead and drink it for one more day because you REALLY need something to put in your coffee.

-You see the irony that it is possible to be out of milk, even though you spend every waking moment producing, pumping, storing, measuring, warming, and serving milk.

-The thought of wasting or spilling milk is almost as bad as the thought of missing Christmas. Which you did back when you were pregnant and down with morning sickness, but that’s another story.

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-You know every wrinkle, dimple, and freckle on those tiny legs and feet, and you get a little sad, and a little excited, every time you notice they’ve grown.

-You are willing to go in for a big, sloppy wet kiss, even though your baby is covered in drool.

-You continue to lift your baby up over your head like Super Man because it makes her squeal with delight, even thought you know there’s a 99 percent chance that spit up or slobber will come raining down on your face. It’s still worth it.

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-You know what it’s like to desperately need a few hours to yourself – ALONE – without the baby, and yet once you get out of the house – ALONE – you desperately miss your baby and can’t wait to get home to see her.

-Someone asks you what you want for your birthday, and you reply, “A nap.”

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