People have started rubbing my belly. And I love it! I’m usually a hands-off, don’t touch me, side-hug kind of person. But for some reason, having complete strangers ask to run my belly makes me downright happy. So go ahead… ask.
I have forgotten how to sleep. After four nights in one week where I either (a) woke up at 2:30 and never went back to sleep or (b) woke up at 2:30, was awake for three hours, and finally went back to sleep for a very short while, I may or may not have had a small nervous breakdown and called my OB begging for some sort of medicine to help me to sleep. She prescribed Ambien, and I took my first pill last night. I will never take it again. Not only did it take me two hours AFTER the Ambien to go to sleep (which was a miserable, drug-induced state), but I was hung over all day today. Like, I might as well have just stayed up all night, because I’m that tired, plus I feel slightly drugged. Or a lot drugged.
I may or may not have had an ugly cry yesterday. Actually, two ugly cries yesterday. Once in the morning after I woke up at 2:30 a.m. and never went back to sleep. At 5:00 a.m., tired and frustrated, I finally got out of bed and decided to go to work early. And then I had a crazy bad nose bleed (which I never ever have). Once the bleeding stopped, I hopped in the shower where I proceeded to have an epic ugly cry. And then I had another one last night, two hours after I popped an Ambien, after I had been up for 22 hours straight.
Pregnancy is long, y’all. I first got sick on November 13 (the day I thought I had food poisoning), which means that I have felt nauseous every single day for 119 days. And I’m only half-way done. Mix that with some hormones and sprinkle in some exhaustion, and you have a recipe for an epic ugly cry.
But I refuse to end on a bad note. Today is a new day. I have a baby in my belly who has started doing flips – and it may be one of the biggest thrills of my life. I prayed for a very long time for this precious little girl, and she is worth the sacrifice of ugly cries and nose bleeds and the minor humiliation that happens every time I sneeze (to my friends who have been pregnant, you know exactly what I am talking about). I have a husband who brought me an Arby’s Roast Beef & Cheddar sandwich with curly fries when I texted him my crazy food craving, even though I have told him over and over how much meat makes me want to gag. I have fun new house projects to plan for (nursery! spring vegetable garden!) And people like to rub my belly…
It’s going to be okay. I’m going to make it another 19 weeks. And in the meantime, please say a prayer that I will get some good, restful sleep. And soon.