Look at me – I’m still alive!

Yesterday I hit a total paleo wall – they say the third day is one of the toughest (probably made worse because this is officially the first diet I’ve ever been on). My body is addicted to flour and sugar and cheese, and I spent most of yesterday obsessing about all the things I can’t eat, and frantically worrying about how I would possibly manage to feed myself for another 27 days with so few options.

I may have, as my husband likes to say, “fractured from reality.”

I can only describe the feeling as being similar to that feeling girls get when their hormones are out of control, they’re exhausted, hungry, and not thinking straight. Very silly things become GIANT things.

That was my yesterday, as evidenced by my near-meltdown in the baking aisle of an upscale grocery store when I couldn’t find almond flour and coconut flour. And then the butter aisle didn’t carry almond butter.

All I wanted was to make paleo-friendly almond flour pancakes. I salivated just thinking about them ALL DAY LONG. And now it was useless – there would be no almost-floury goodness in my mouth.

God bless the sweet grocery store worker who graciously told me that almond butter is not, in fact, kept with the regular butter. I thought I was buying butter… turns out I was in the market for a peanut butter substitute.

I’m so bad at this hippie thing.

And then she introduced me to the gluten-free specialty aisle, filled with almond flour ($10 for a tiny bag) and coconut flour (so obscure you just scoop it out of a bin yourself – like the real health nuts do).

And then the heavens opened up and the sun shown down on these things.

Kale chips. Vegan, gluten-free, made with organic carrot powder (who knew there was such a thing?), at $5 for a 2-oz bag. Let me tell you, those Kale Chips may be the most wonderful thing I’ve ever eaten. They’re horribly ugly to look at, but they’re crunchy and if you close your eyes, you almost feel like you’re snacking on chips.

It’s amazing. And ironic because I don’t normally eat chips.

And this morning I was able to whip up my almond pancakes and while they really didn’t taste much like a pancake, it still helped sooth the cravings I’ve battled in my had and in my stomach for the past few days. I can keep going.

My wise and incredibly good-looking husband said something profound this morning. He told me that I have to stop obsessing about all of the things I can’t eat on this diet, and focus on all of the things I CAN eat. Like, as many fruits and vegetables as I want. And any kind of meat I want. I can eat steak on this diet.

So why obsess about a missed bowl of frosted mini wheats?

I’m pretty sure there’s a life lesson buried in there, underneath all of those homemade biscuits I’ve been dreaming about.

No kidding. I really did dream about bread.

And here is Paleo Plan’s recipe for almond flour pancakes so you too can indulge your inner hippie Martha Stewart.

Ingredients

  • 1 cup almond flour (I found this on a gluten-free specialty aisle)
  • 1 tablespoon coconut flour (I found this on a gluten-free specialty aisle)
  • 1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
  • 2 eggs
  • 1/4 cup water (they said soda water makes fluffier pancakes)
  • 1/4 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
  • 1/4 teaspoon sea salt
  • 1 teaspoon coconut oil (I found this near the olive oil)

Instructions

  1. Combine almond flour, coconut flour, applesauce, eggs, water, nutmeg and sea salt in a bowl with a fork. The batter will appear a little thicker than normal mix.
  2. Heat a non-stick frying pan over medium-low heat with 1 teaspoon coconut oil
  3. Drop 1/4 cup of batter onto the pan once it is fully heated. Flip like a normal pancake.
  4. Top with fresh berries.

Again – mine were a lot denser than regular pancakes (sort of reminded me of buckwheat pancakes) and they crumbled when I flipped them (they’ve very crumbly). I topped mine with strawberries and peach slices.

Bon appetit!

One Comment

  1. I'm terribly unhealthy myself, but I give all the “hippie” stuff to my kiddos. 🙂 Do you have a Kroger near you? I have had the most luck finding all the things you mentioned above at the Kroger Signature by our house. They have a great selection of gluten-free, etc.

    Reply

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