Last night I found a spider in my toilet. A large, hairy, thick brown spider. The kind that could probably kill you. I just happened to glance into my toilet before plopping down in my sleepy state, and there it was, staring back up at me, daring me to come any closer.

I tried to flush that sucker, but it kept swimming upstream and surviving. After I flushed the toilet so many times it began to run, I went with Plan B… I doused it with toilet bowl cleaner. Sure enough, those chemicals quickly killed it. I finally got him flushed down the drain (and then I flushed another three or four times just to be sure he was good and gone).

But now, every time I use the toilet, I’m paranoid that a spider might be hiding in there. It’s kind of like those stories about snakes coming up the pipes and ending up in a toilet. I never believed it. But now, I’m terrified!